People of older times believed that gemstones and minerals had power, without even having to be enchanted. These properties were laid out in a ‘Lapidary’. This booklet collates these ideas and makes suggestions for their use in OSR or D&D style games.
The nauga are a rotund, waddling creatures about the size of a bear, with pointed ears, wide saucer-eyes and pointed, twitching, cat-like ears atop their heads. Their tongue constantly lolls out of their terrible jaws, tasting the air like a snake, hunting for berries, fruit, mushrooms and carrion. Dark brown in colour, and with a bald, leathery hide, the nauga is found in temperate, deciduous forests, sheltered by mountains where the high humidity helps keep their hides flexible and hydrated. In winter they hibernate, but it is not the deepest of sleeps and if roused they can be frenziedly hungry.
This foolish looking creature is almost extinct, having been hunted relentlessly for its hide, which serves especially well for making armour and waterskins.
Uncommon, Mundane item
Leather or hide armour made with naugahyde has +1 AC and confers resistance to cold and water effect magic. It is not considered a magical item and does not need to be attuned.
Large monstrosity, unaligned
Armor Class: 14 (natural armor)
Hit Points 66 (7d10 + 28)
Speed 40 ft.
STR 18 (+4) DEX 12 (+1) CON 18 (+4) INT 4 (-3) WIS 12 (+1) CHA 7 (-2)
Skills: Perception +3
Senses: Darkvision 60 ft., passive Perception 13
Languages: Understand Common
Challenge: 3 (700 XP)
Keen Sight and Smell: The nauga has advantage on Wisdom (Perception) checks that rely on sight or smell.
Resistances: Cold (and wet, damage from the impact of water spells or effects is halved).
Multiattack: The nauga makes two attacks: one with its jaws and one with its constricting arms.
Jaws: Melee Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, reach 5 ft., one creature. Hit: 10 (1d10 + 4) piercing damage.
Arms: Melee Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, reach 5 ft., one creature. Hit: (1d8 + 4) bludgeoning damage. The target is grappled (escape dc 14) Until this grapple ends, the creature is restrained, and the nauga can’t constrict another target.
A Giallo-themed horror RPG adventure context/scenario that can be used with any system, but which is presented with statistics for Actual F*cking Monsters. This scenario takes place in a run-down hospital where nothing is quite what it seems.
System agnostic, but with statistics for Actual Fucking Monsters.
Hey friends (and hate followers),
Not going to lie, been a bit of a rough go of things lately and as a result I haven’t been able to put the work into things – including my Youtube channel – that I would have liked to. Hopefully I can start to get back on the horse soon.
I’m still doing things, but prioritising Tabletopless and tinkering with shorter things or projects other people have written, such as the new Giallo release (and more to come).
It’s not so much COVID and lockdown, but issues with my disability assistance, getting used to the later nights for Tabletopless and trying allow myself some time off to relax and do some things just for me. Reading, painting, writing, without it all having to earn money or be for public consumption.
I hope you’ll all bear with me and continue to support Postmortem Studios. If you’ve been with me for a while you know that these depressive and low-energy episodes can drag on a while, but I do come out of them.
A tireless free speech fighter, Flynt was a divisive figure but also very important. In a time that is ever more censorious and prudish, his death feels like a big loss – even though printed pornography has possibly never been less relevant.
His death really seems symbolic of the death of freedom that we all once shared and celebrated.
In memorium, here is Lorin Flint, adventurer, bawd, businessman and talent scout.
Lorin Flint rarely goes adventuring any longer, rather he scouts for ‘talent’ for his best-selling series of erotic illusions, scrolls and live-scried sex-dungeons. He has the aesthetic taste of a colourblind magpie and is completely devoted to freedom (and hence, chaos).
- Lorin’s wheelchair is gold (orichalcum) plated and provides a +3 bonus to any rolls made that involve the wheelchair, whether for him or his assistants. These include trying to haul himself up stairs (Athletics DC 20) down stairs without falling (Athletics DC 15) or maintaining control while rolling downhill (Athletics DC 15). Lorin has to use the wheelchair because of a terrible injury recieved in a battle with a foul orc, when he was in his mid thirties. A band of hags he had wronged exploited the opportunity to curse him and make the wound permanent.
- Lorin’s wheelchair is an actual wheelchair, not something silly like a hovering one that provides all kinds of absurd magical bonuses to the point where normal adventurers would use them instead of walking. Lorin treats stairs as impassible terrain, and anything other than a smooth, flat surface as difficult terrain – including cobblestones. With the help of an assistant he can tackle this terrain more easily, treating it as one level of difficulty lower.
- Lorin’s wheelchair can be used to store equipment, adding 50% to the amount of weight he can carry without suffering encumberance levels.
- Lorin’s handaxes are +2, magical, and completely coated in orichalcum, a magical form of gold that will not tarnish or chip.
- Lorin’s chain mail is +2 and made of the same, gaudy orichalcum.
- Lorin wears a preserved middle finger on a leather thong around his neck, this is the legendary Digitus Impudicus. Lorin, and any person or item on his person, cannot be silenced by any means while he wears the Digitus Impudicus. It would, possibly, be better used in the possession of a magic user, but he refuses to give it up.
The Zelart Scholarship fully funded, but we have still had very few entries. While you would think artists would be clamouring to get a $500 award, especially in times like this, social media algorithms and over-sensitive spam detection make it hard to get this in front of anyone. Sharing this post would, in that context, be greatly appreciated, putting it in front of more artist’s eyes.
Here’s the short-short version:
This is a scholarship fund, intended primarily for college and university students with an interest in genre art.
It is also open to any artists who are in reduced circumstances (long-term unemployment, homelessness, disability etc).
To enter all you need is a piece of print-quality art, to which the rights are available and which you have created.
You send that to me, explain your circumstances and if you win you get $500 and the art you submitted goes on sale as stock art within the RPG community to help support next year’s scholarship.
For more details contact email@example.com
Biotechnia Homesplice Incubator 500eb
Simple to use, the Homesplice clones and incubates small creatures, one at a time, no creature larger than a chicken egg.
The homesplice allows the mix-and-match of various genetic elements between standardised gene-patterns (50eb each), sold by Biotechnia. It alsos requires genetic feedstock (5eb for enough to build 2d6 sequences) and artificial eggs with nutrients (10eb each).
The basic kit can only grow animals that naturally grow in eggs. That means fish, birds, amphibians and lizards. Limited editing and swapping of traits is possible with the kit. Moreso if you jailbreak it. Doing so is highly illegal, due to the dangers of foisting new species into already disrupted ecosystems.
The homesplice is only supposed to produce sterile creatures, but a jailbroken device may be able to do more.
Monotreme Upgrade: 250 eb.
New Species code-kits: 50eb each (comes with domestic chicken, gekko and salamander).
- Jailbreak the kit, Difficulty 15, allows greater gene-mixing and customisastion as well as the use of off-label sequences.
- Black market sequences are available at costs between 50eb and a hundred times that amount.
- Upgrade to sequence and grow small mammals – Difficulty 17
- Kitbash an artificial womb for larger mammals – Difficulty 21, 500eb of materials.
Biotechnia Artisinal Genesplicer 600,000eb
Comes with an extensive library of genes and can accept samples to sequence. Traits can be isolated and transposed, building a genetic template from the ground up. Modelled in Augmented Reality.
Creating designer organisms requires rolls of Difficulty 17-24 at each stage, and even the computer models are no guarantee. Genes will still need implanting into an artificial womb or maturation chamber.
Akaromi BioCorp Artificial Womb – 50,000eb
As good as your own!
Can grow a human (or humanoid, or human-sized) embryo to birth-readiness in a shock-protected, armoured pod. Can travel with its own batteries and feedstock, enough to last a week. SP10, SDP 30.
Consolidated Agriculture Maturation Chamber – 100,000eb
This version of an exowomb is big enough to grow livestock such as sheep, cows, goats, ostriches, llamas etc, though you’ll need to provide ova or coded biotech sequences.
Consolidated Agriculture Home Meat-Maker 150eb
Produces artificial meat from a selection of genetic sequences, from generic feedstock. (Chicken, Beef, Pork, tilapia, shrimp).
500g of feedstock 1eb
Recycler Unit: 100eb, can break down and recycle any animal protein into feedstock. Including human flesh.
Animal Protein Codes 10-50eb (more specialist meats or rare breeds).
Black market Protein Codes 100-1,000eb (exotic animals, artificial gene codes or even human sequences. Black market biotechs will grow low quality replacement skin and muscle in these things).
A wrist mounted sling, using high tech materials. 25 yards range, wrist-braced, can fire a variety of ammo or even be used to fling small grenades. 1d6 damage.
A personal jet-pack using drone-like fan blades instead of ducted AV-style fans. 10,000eb, 100kph, 300m flight ceiling, 30 damage, total flight time 15 minutes.
Abuja Robotics MutaTafi – 15,000eb
An pen cockpit walker with no limbers, -2 penalty to operate, top speed 30kph, SDP 60, SP 18. Sometimes used with forklift attachments or loaded with goods for remote or hilly areas.
Wireless smart skateboard, +1-3 to rolls, +3-5 if plugged in, can go up to 25kph (self powered) and handle up to 150kph – towed. SDP 10
A high speed, very dangerous ducted fan board, like a one-man AV. 250 kph for 20 minutes, ceiling 600m. SDP 25
Vectorbike – 10000-100,000eb
Ducted fan bike, 350kph, three hour flight time, SDP 25
Vectorcar – 200,000eb-2,000,000eb
Ducted fan two-seater. 400kph, three hour flight time, SDP 50
1000eb/2500eb/5000eb, 20%/40%/%60% chance to hit, 5 shots, 3d6 damage, pistol/SMG/Rifle
Lasers 1-5d6 per shot (8d6 to completely burn out the gun) 10/20/30 shots. Innate +2 to hit, can be fired automatic in a ‘scribble’ mode, using 5d6 and counting as autofire.
Unlike home printers, microfacs can both produce parts, and assemble them, up to the size of a small two-seater citycar (3m cubed). Larger machinery will need to be printed in sections and them assembled.
A great beast-man, part demon, part goat. Krampus has a long red tongue, with which he slobbers, licks his lips and tastes the air. Black of hair, grey of skin, two spiraling goat-horns crown his head, and goat-hooves stomp the ground. He is wound about with chains, and in one hand he holds a bundle of birch wands, tied with a bow. From the basket on his back come the tormented cries of wicked children.
Attack: 20 (see weapons below).
Armour Factor: 1 (Krampus reduces the damage of all hits done to him by 1 as well).
Magical Defence: 9
Health Points: 30
Perception: 10 (Elfsight, detect naughtiness)
Rank Equivalent: 8th
Krampus’ basket is bottomless, but can only hold people, in a tormented netherworld.
Krampus’ bundle of twigs can be used as a weapon, doing d3/1 damage (and stinging a lot) or can be transformed through christmas magic into an iron chain (d6/2 damage and can yank the person hit 1m in any direction, with a range of 2m) or a bundle of snakes doing d4/1 and medium poison damage.
If Krampus is killed he is merely dispelled until next year, when he’ll come looking for his basket.
Krampus’ elf-sight also allows him to determine who has been good, or naughty.
An evil old hag, Gryla is the mother of the Yule Lads and the mistress of the Yule Cat. She loves the taste of naughty children and likes to boil them in her cauldron to make a stew, chewing them up in her snaggle-toothed maw. Her body and hump are covered in hundreds of heads, protruding from the skin. Perhaps the faces of the children she’s eaten, or perhaps the reason she’s always so hungry.
Attack: 18, Hooked Staff (d6/3)~
Armour Factor: 3
Magical Attack: 20
Magical Defence: 10
Health Points: 20
Perception: 15 (elfsight, detect naughtiness)
Rank Equivalent: 8th
Gryla is accompanied on her excursions by an animated cauldron, full of a boiling stew, made of the naughty children she has found on her travels. The cauldron can magically hold any amount of human meat and is always boiling. With her hooked staff, Gryla can attempt to pull an enemy into the pot, instead of doing damage. When she does this roll a d20 under 12 for her, and a d20 under the character’s strength. If she succeeds and the character fails, into the pot they go. Each turn in the pot they take 2d4 boiling damage. Climbing out again takes a whole turn.
The cauldron takes actions as a separate monster.
Attack: 13 (Thump, d4, 2, 10% chance of being splashed with boiling stew for 1d4 extra damage)
Armour Factor: 6
Health Points: 38
Rank Equivalent: 4th
The Yule Cat
A gigantic, fluffy, angry-looking Forest Cat who devours anyone who hasn’t been given new clothes for Christmas. Those socks might well have saved your life, so thank gram-gram.
Attack: 23 (Bite d8, 6, Claws d10, 5)
Armour Factor: 2 (Floof)
Magical Defence: 7
Perception: 18 (elfsight, detect old clothes)
Rank Equivalent: 10th
The Yule Lads
The Yule Lads are Gryla’s children, a gang of evil trolls who descend on villages at Christmas time to punish and torment the wicked.
Attack: 20 (Cudgel d4+1, 4)
Magical Defence: 13
Armour Factor: 2 (Reduce all damage by -1)
Perception: 10 (elfsight, detect naughtiness)
Rank Equivalent: 7th
Sheep-Cote Clod: Sucks the milk from ewes and curdles sheep’s milk.
Gully GanSteals the foam from cow’s milk and turns it sour.
Stubby: Shorther than his brothers, he steals food out of pots and pans.
Spoon Licker: Licks your spoons, leaving disease on them for when you use them.
Pot Licker: Licks dirty pots and plates clean, but covered in disease.
Bowl Licker: Licks dirty bowls clean, but covered in disease.
Door Slammer: Delights in slamming open doors and gates and stamping around noisily at night.
Skyr Gobbler: Eats all the yoghurt, even though you clearly labelled that pot with a punch-label and everyone knew it was yours.
Sausage Swiper: Steals your sausages.
Window Peeper: Peers in at you through your windows, and steals anything nice he sees. Quite possibly a pervert too. +2 Perception.
Door Sniffer: Uses his huge nose to sniff out baking pies and puddings, and eats them.
Meat Hook: Armed with meat hooks (d8/4) and steals any meat that has been left out. Loves smoked lamb more than anything.
Candle Beggar: Steals candles that you’ve left out. Eats some, burns others.
It’s my bday, and Krampusnacht, so – if you don’t want to get kidnapped and whipped with a bundle of sticks (or maybe if you do) please consider the following.
1. Donating to the Zelart Scholarship Fund: http://igg.me/at/ZELART2020
2. Buying some stuff from me: https://post-mort.com/
3. Signing up to my Patreon, to help support me through my work, through the coming year. https://www.patreon.com/grimachu
4. Signing up to my various social media, which should be linked on the right hand side of this blog.