The New-Look Autopsy. Cleaned up and expanded blog articles, support and other material for a variety of games in a more screen/tablet friendly format.
This issue:
Buy it HERE
The domain of your Faerie gang is under threat! Not so much directly but by a sudden invasion of Tourette’s Gremlins who are infecting the local humans.
If the Tourette’s Gremlins continue to spread and infect the humans they’re going to get wise that something strange is going on and may work out that faeries exist!
This cannot be allowed to happen.
In order to prevent it happening the local faerie lord (or some other boss) turns to your gang of selfish misfits for assistance. You are to track down the evil Tourette’s Gremlins and tear them from their homes, driving them out of the area or killing them as necessary.
Tourette’s Gremlins are like normal Gremlins, but smaller, denser and tougher. They are disgusting little creatures that infest a person’s body, replacing their tongue and making them swear, shout nonsense and twitch, all to the Gremlin’s great satisfaction and the production of their magic.
In this way they are much like the ‘tongue eating louse’, which, disgustingly, infests fish and replaces their tongue. To defeat them the faeries will have to find which people are genuinely infested and which are just foul mouthed and gaffe prone. Hopefully before they tear out too many human tongues…
This system, curated by The Crazy GM uses some of the basics from the Beer & Crisps system and is open for anyone to use, adapt or get involved with. You can find it HERE.
A companion game to Tough Justice and Courtesans, Doxy takes you down to the street and the life of the common strumpet and the darkness of the Georgian underworld. Can you make enough to eat? To drink? To drown your sorrows in gin? Can you escape the horrors of the noose or transportation?
Doxy is a fully featured game using the ‘Beer & Crisps’ system, not for the faint hearted or the easily offended.
Buy it HERE
Or in hardcopy HERE
Captain Wentworth HardacrePliability: 4
Archetype: Deviant (Pretending to be Saviour) Captain Hardacre is desperately trying to convince himself, as much as anyone else that he is a good-hearted saviour, but he’s fooling himself, perhaps more than he fools anyone else.
Age: 45
Occupation: Royal Navy Captain (Semi-retired)
Sexual Experience: Some.
Marital Status: Married (Closed).
Description: Blue eyed, blonde (bald), barrel chested, podgy belly.
Deviances: Boyish figures, younger women, sadism.
Consequences of failing to please: A horsewhipping.
Captain Hardacre has spent much of his life away from home travelling the seas, returning only to sire a couple of children with his wife and then taking off again. Not especially competent – more lucky – he was a little too free with the lash and not an effective captain and after a scandal of some sort in Jamaica has been sent home into semi-retirement. He doesn’t know what to do with himself, his wife is a hatchet-faced stranger who controls every aspect of his home with an iron fist and his children are now adults who have barely even met him. Little wonder he seeks aid and comfort in the arms of courtesans.
Hardacre is also something of a sadist and a closet homosexual, or rather he won’t admit to himself that he is one. His tastes in women run to the slim and boyish and he has a fondness for the back passage that has made him unpopular and persona non-grata with many prostitutes… that and his roughness.
His investments in the Caribbean have made him wealthy, he was a cannier businessman than a captain, but he courts scandal and refuses to face up to what he is. Something that can make him a dangerous lover and a bit of a handful.
The deviant archetype represents a client, lover or sugar daddy who has unusual tastes. This makes him relatively easy pickings for the right courtesan but also troublesome and difficult. A courtesan that plays up to a deviant’s desires gets a bonus, one that runs contrary to his desires gets a penalty. A deviant can have as many or as few ‘requirements’ as you like. The number that a courtesans fulfils or contradicts is tallied up and applied as a bonus or a penalty to her rolls to please the gentleman. Failing to please the gentleman can have consequences if he is a brutish or difficult sort and these will need to be enumerated. Game effects are up to you.
Name: Mr Tom Grey (Tomasin Gry)
Age: 52
Profession: Gypsy
Good At: Horses and Painting.
Statistics:
Merit: Acid Tongue
Flaw: Incomprehensible -1 penalty on any rolls where he gives evidence or speaks due to his thick accent.
Professional Advantage: Prosecution Bonus +10 Case Points
Crime: Impersonating a Chelsea Pensioner
Tom Grey is a wanderer, chancer, horse-trader, odd-job man, painter and decorator. Little more than an odd job man really, though he knows his horses. He’s known to not be beyond a scam and a wheel-and-deal from time to time but this time, with his family moving past London, he seems to have taken it a step too far.
Somehow he got hold of a Chelsea Pensioner’s get-up and – wearing it – engaged in begging and drunkenly making a fool of himself in public. His family and other gypsies are up in arms and aren’t inclined to accept the justice of city society however this turns out. The bias is very much against the suspect, whether his intentions were amiable and joking or not. He’s also suspected of the theft… not that anyone has bothered to check with the pensioner who had his clothes stolen.
This seems pretty much like an open and shut case for the prosecution and the hangman can start practising his knots. There may be some public disorder if the man hangs though and it does seem a petty offence to kill someone over.
Art by the awesome Dave Allsop
For Urban Faerie
Cthuling’s aren’t faeries but are a related creature, dependent upon man’s consciousness and concocted out of the leftovers of ancient, bloody, unsympathetic gods, fears of the alien and of Frankenstein science that is beyond the ken of normal folk.
Given such a terrifying pedigree you would expect the Cthulings to be powerful, nasty, demigods that could devastate both the real world and faerieland but, while they are nasty little bastards that can cause no end of havoc in both realms they’re actually more of a nuisance than a truly horrifying danger – though they have ambitions.
The gradual erosion of the horror that elder gods once held – either in religion or in fiction – into cartoonish shorthand for a cynical ‘the horror, the horror’ with a knowing, postmodern wink, has simultaneously lead to their longevity and power – such as it is – and their diminishing into a joke. Something that really, really grips their shit.
Cthuling’s have a Napoleon complex to end all Napoleon complexes and so many chips on their shoulder you’d think someone had built a Wimpy there. They desperately want to be terrifying and frightening and come up with complex and nefarious schemes to try and restore human and faerie horror. Needless to say this risks drawing attention and harm upon the faerie world, directly or indirectly and this places the Seedy and Unseedy Faerie courts in direct opposition to these cute, cuddly wittle elder gods.
Muscle: 2
Skill: 3
Wits: 5
Magick: 4
Luck: 1
Good At: ‘Intricate plots and schemes’ OR ‘Being incredibly cute’.
Earning Charms: Cthuling’s earn charms by destroying ‘cutesy’ mythos artifacts or genuinely scaring people.
Spending Charms: The Stars are Right – By spending a charm the Cthuling is considered to have a statistic of 6 for a single roll.
Inspired by this news story.
“Jerkian warrior elite! You have been selected for an important mission. The weak and useless Earthian space programme is primitive at beast but they do manage to launch rockets, missiles and even to establish semi-permanent space habitats such as the creatively named ‘Spacelab’. Their primitive spacecraft are next to useless and cannot even survive the tiniest impact without being punctured or destroyed. Unlike our vastly superior saucer craft. You will, then, undertake a mission to destroy as many Earthian spacecraft as possible, to create a whirling shield of fragments that will deny them their space capability, such as it is! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
– Fleet Commander Pok
Whatever other equipment the Jerkian’s are issued with, they’re also issued with a flying saucer and space suits.
Their first satellite attack will go off flawlessly, right up until the point that they destroy it, when a whirling piece of debris will strike their saucer like some kind of rampaging death bee and cause it to whirl out of control and self destruct after a suitable interval. They will have time to escape, whereupon they will find themselves floating in space.
Luckily they’re near the aforementioned Space Lab which is currently docked to a Soyuz for an international space meet-up and has three American astronauts and three Russian cosmonauts on board. If they can get to the station, gain access and take it over they can continue their mission by sabotaging the station, which is big enough to set off an orbital chain reaction and create the debris field.
Getting OFF the station again may be difficult, the Fleet Commander cannot pick the up or may not want to pick them up. Pretending to be filthy humans they might be able to request a rescue mission and then hijack the shuttle or rocket that’s sent for them, but otherwise they can simply die for the glorious Jerkian cause and receive the Imperial Medal for Extreme Heroism and Stupidity With Cross Ray-Guns, posthumously.
A board game for ladies and gentlemen of character and good humour.
Styled after the paper theatre.
Relieves boredom.
Cures feminine hysteria.
Excellent value.
Following the passage of our Earth through a belt of purple, poisonous aether, the dead returned to life with a most distasteful and regrettable desire for devouring the flesh of the living. Needless to say the undead menace was soon put in its place by the stout and stalwart British army but problems linger.
Lady Bexington is a philanthropist whom, much as others who have taken pity on the poor or the sick, has taken pity on the dead and established a home in which the wandering corpses of the great and the good – including some say a Prince of the royal household – along with charitable cases can be preserved and cared for without posing a risk to the public.
Except, sometimes, they get out.
They need to be put back into their cages. Preferably before you and your guests get eaten.
Postmortem Studios 