#RPG – Yule Monsters for Dragon Warriors

Krampus

A great beast-man, part demon, part goat. Krampus has a long red tongue, with which he slobbers, licks his lips and tastes the air. Black of hair, grey of skin, two spiraling goat-horns crown his head, and goat-hooves stomp the ground. He is wound about with chains, and in one hand he holds a bundle of birch wands, tied with a bow. From the basket on his back come the tormented cries of wicked children.

Attack: 20 (see weapons below).
Defence: 12
Armour Factor: 1 (Krampus reduces the damage of all hits done to him by 1 as well).
Magical Defence: 9
Movement: 12/25m
Health Points: 30
Evasion: 6
Stealth: 10
Perception: 10 (Elfsight, detect naughtiness)
Rank Equivalent: 8th

Krampus’ basket is bottomless, but can only hold people, in a tormented netherworld.

Krampus’ bundle of twigs can be used as a weapon, doing d3/1 damage (and stinging a lot) or can be transformed through christmas magic into an iron chain (d6/2 damage and can yank the person hit 1m in any direction, with a range of 2m) or a bundle of snakes doing d4/1 and medium poison damage.

If Krampus is killed he is merely dispelled until next year, when he’ll come looking for his basket.

Krampus’ elf-sight also allows him to determine who has been good, or naughty.

Gryla

An evil old hag, Gryla is the mother of the Yule Lads and the mistress of the Yule Cat. She loves the taste of naughty children and likes to boil them in her cauldron to make a stew, chewing them up in her snaggle-toothed maw. Her body and hump are covered in hundreds of heads, protruding from the skin. Perhaps the faces of the children she’s eaten, or perhaps the reason she’s always so hungry.

Attack: 18, Hooked Staff (d6/3)~
Defence: 12
Armour Factor: 3
Magical Attack: 20
Magical Defence: 10
Health Points: 20
Movement: 10/20m
Evasion: 5
Stealth: 15
Perception: 15 (elfsight, detect naughtiness)
Rank Equivalent: 8th

Gryla is accompanied on her excursions by an animated cauldron, full of a boiling stew, made of the naughty children she has found on her travels. The cauldron can magically hold any amount of human meat and is always boiling. With her hooked staff, Gryla can attempt to pull an enemy into the pot, instead of doing damage. When she does this roll a d20 under 12 for her, and a d20 under the character’s strength. If she succeeds and the character fails, into the pot they go. Each turn in the pot they take 2d4 boiling damage. Climbing out again takes a whole turn.

The cauldron takes actions as a separate monster.

Cauldron Golem

Attack: 13 (Thump, d4, 2, 10% chance of being splashed with boiling stew for 1d4 extra damage)
Defence: 3
Armour Factor: 6
Evasion: 1
Stealth: 1
Perception: 3
Health Points: 38
Rank Equivalent: 4th

The Yule Cat

A gigantic, fluffy, angry-looking Forest Cat who devours anyone who hasn’t been given new clothes for Christmas. Those socks might well have saved your life, so thank gram-gram.

Attack: 23 (Bite d8, 6, Claws d10, 5)
Defence: 12
Armour Factor: 2 (Floof)
Movement: 15/40m
Magical Defence: 7
Evasion: 10
Stealth: 20
Perception: 18 (elfsight, detect old clothes)
Health: 40
Rank Equivalent: 10th

The Yule Lads

The Yule Lads are Gryla’s children, a gang of evil trolls who descend on villages at Christmas time to punish and torment the wicked.

Attack: 20 (Cudgel d4+1, 4)
Defence: 12
Magical Defence: 13
Armour Factor: 2 (Reduce all damage by -1)
Evasion: 4
Stealth: 16
Perception: 10 (elfsight, detect naughtiness)
Health: 22
Rank Equivalent: 7th

Lads

Sheep-Cote Clod: Sucks the milk from ewes and curdles sheep’s milk.

Gully GanSteals the foam from cow’s milk and turns it sour.

Stubby: Shorther than his brothers, he steals food out of pots and pans.

Spoon Licker: Licks your spoons, leaving disease on them for when you use them.

Pot Licker: Licks dirty pots and plates clean, but covered in disease.

Bowl Licker: Licks dirty bowls clean, but covered in disease.

Door Slammer: Delights in slamming open doors and gates and stamping around noisily at night.

Skyr Gobbler: Eats all the yoghurt, even though you clearly labelled that pot with a punch-label and everyone knew it was yours.

Sausage Swiper: Steals your sausages.

Window Peeper: Peers in at you through your windows, and steals anything nice he sees. Quite possibly a pervert too. +2 Perception.

Door Sniffer: Uses his huge nose to sniff out baking pies and puddings, and eats them.

Meat Hook: Armed with meat hooks (d8/4) and steals any meat that has been left out. Loves smoked lamb more than anything.

Candle Beggar: Steals candles that you’ve left out. Eats some, burns others.

#RPG #DND – Fistful of Foes No.1 kicks off SCHLOCKTOBERFEST

A ‘Schlocktoberfest’ quick-and-dirty set of monsters for you to use in your 5e compatible games. They’re rough as toast, but you get five novel monsters from my twisted mind. Screen size and format for easy tablet/laptop reference.

Urban Blights – When the neighbourhood goes bad, for real.

  • Cobble Blight
  • Wattle Blight
  • Straw Blight

Cloud of Objects – When animated objects form swarms.

The Godless – When your hate for the gods is so strong, it attracts the soul fragment of an ancient evil.

GET IT HERE

#RPG #DnD – 5e – The Pseudointellectual Dragon

Tiny dragon, neutral good

Small, drab dragons who hoard unconventional (meaning wrong) lore, and expound loudly and at length on subjects they know nothing about.

Some perversely masochistic magicians have them as familiars, enjoying the opportunity they provide to hone their rhetorical skill. Other pseudointellectual dragons find productive employment as journalists, sages, loremasters, cultural critics, Inhuman Resources department heads and sensitivity readers.

These roles will suffice until Talk Radio or social media are invented in whatever fantasy realm they find themselves.

Challenge: 1/4 (50 XP)
Armor Class: 13 (natural armor)
Hit Points: 5 (2d4)
Speed:15 ft, fly 60 ft.

STR: 6 (−2) DEX: 15 (+2) CON: 10 (+0) INT: 10 (+0) WIS: 10 (+0) CHA: 15 (+2)

Skills: Deception +4, Any Intelligence Skill +2
Senses: blindsight 10 ft, darkvision 60 ft, passive Perception 11.
Languages: Understands Common and Draconic, and can bullshit in either.
Ripe Bullshit: The pseudointellectual dragon has advantage on Charisma (Deception) checks that rely on the spoken word.
Magic Resistance: The pseudointellectual dragon has advantage on saving throws against spells and other magical effects.
Limited Knowledge: The pseudointellectual dragon ignores any roll higher than 10 on an Intelligence-based roll, taking the 10 instead.

Actions
Bite: Melee Weapon Attack:+4 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 4 (1d4 + 2) piercing damage.
Bullshit Breath (Recharge 5-6): The pseudointellectual dragon utters a confusing babble of nonsense in a 15 ft cone. Any creature within that area that can comprehend Common (or draconic) must make an Intelligence Save against a DC11 or suffer one of the random effects of the Confusion spell.

#RPG – Actual Fucking Monsters preview, Monster Hunters

In AFM the background is mostly implicit, rather than explicit. The GM and the characters will create the (unreliable) lore of the world as they play. Even so, I felt some areas needed a little more definition. Monster hunter groups are likely to play a big role in any game that lasts long enough. The Inquisition is SO played out, so I went further afield looking for inspiration…

DEEP ORG

When Monsters are hurting, they can reach out for help, just like humans do. Monsters are usually not fortunate enough to find a helpful therapist and don’t often retain much in the way of contact with their families. If they don’t learn how to be self-reliant or can’t find some other way to exorcise their demons, they may well fall victim to cults, ‘occultism’ and pseudo-religions.

Some Monsters have found themselves unlucky enough to run afoul of a particular cult. This cult, primarily based around wealth and celebrity, has long sought some way – any way – to meet the kinds of promises it has made to its members. Monsters have provided that way, along with evidence of the supernatural and a dangerous enemy.

The cult believes that Monsters are thieves of the powers and abilities that humans should have at the highest levels of the cult. They consider Monsters to – by and large – be ‘exograms’, Frankenstein’s Monsters of bad experiences and soul fragments, bound around supernatural powers that are the birthright of ‘cleared’ humans. When they hunt Monsters, it is to destroy the exograms and free the powers.

The hunters from this cult are called ‘Deep Org’ and are secret, even for a cult that loves its secrets. The Org reports directly to the Chairman of the cult and is led by The Commander – a title that replaces their identity. The Commander oversees around fifty Deep Org agents around the world all of whom have a long history of loyalty to the cult and have some military or law-enforcement experience.

Type: Human NPC
Trio: Mind: d8, Body: d8, Spirit: d10
Mask: Fanatical Cultist d4 (Cult Teaching d10, Melee Combat d8, Firearms d8)
Powers: Arrogant self-confidence is a strange idea of a power, but members of Deep Org truly believe they are superior and to an extent that self-belief makes it true. Each member can choose a +1 bonus to one of their Trio on every roll that includes it. They often also believe they have other powers, such as immunity to poison and disease, telepathy and other psychic abilities. They don’t actually have them, just believe that they do.
Gear: Deep Org has access to firearms and equipment around the globe, safe-houses and top-notch legal representation as well as several large yachts and other vessels. They tend to dress in variations of navy or marine uniforms, or nautically themed attire such as blazers and deck shoes. They typically arm themselves with heavy automatic pistols, such as the Colt .45 and carry bags, cuffs and other kidnapping equipment. Their specialised EM meters can often detect Monsters, but only with skin-to-skin contact.

#RPG – Actual Fucking Monsters Preview for Supporters

Actual Fucking Monsters – the RPG of unrepentant, monstrous transgression (the cover is a fake-out) – is now finished as a rough draft, and that first draft is available to people who back me on Patreon or Subscribestar (along with a whole host of other things like disount codes).

You can back me for as little as $1 US a month, or more, and this helps give me the space and funds to pursue better games, better art, more video creation and the possibility of podcasts in the future. You get access to me for support, questions, suggestions, video topic suggestions and more.

If at all possible, please back me on Subscribestar as I need a certain amount of subscribers and a certain amount of cash to be able to cash-out from there.

#RPG – Actual Fucking Monsters

I’m currently working on a couple of things, Metacards (systemless RP prompts to encourage roleplay and verisimilitude) and Actual Fucking Monsters, my spasm of disgust against the humanisation of monsters and the ‘pussification’ of vampires, werewolves and other monstrosities, inspired in part by Nightbreed (Cabal) and intended as a reaction to the lack of actual fucking horror present in most modern horror RP, TV series, films and so forth.

Rules can only do so much, the way you play a game – or are encouraged to – can also make a huge difference. In the advice section I lay out five ‘pillars’ that are meant to guide playing Actual Fucking Monsters.

Push the Envelope
Every player, including the Games Master, should be seeking to push the envelope of horrific and stomach-churning action that takes place in the game. In a time when so many games are bending over backwards to be overly considerate about people’s feelings and to protect them, this is meant to be like a roller coaster or a horror film. It’s meant to terrify and disgust each other – for fun.

There are Consequences
Everything you do in the game will come back to bite you on the arse in some way. You eat a child to fill your satiation? The mother tracks you down, even when the police give up. People see your monstrous visage and it goes viral on the internet. The sheriff comes after you, then the state police, then the feds, then monster hunters and witch burners. Everything you do comes back.

There is no Redemption
This isn’t a story about redemption or a cure. There is no spiritually pure path and probably no insight into the lore of your people. It is a downward spiral into despair and death and an inevitable bad-ending. This is Near Dark, not Interview with the Vampire.

Everyone is Awful
Nobody is good or pure or nice in this world. Every cop is a womaniser, a racist or an alcoholic. Every parent beats their children or never sees them. Every friend is a betrayer, every lover will cheat on you, everyone is out for themselves or out to get you. If you scratch the surface there’s nothing but darkness beneath.

Everyone Dies
There’s no ‘winning’ in this game. There’s no grand adventure. The world is reactive to everything you do and eventually, it all catches up to you. That’s the story here, and you ‘win’ by being an antihero, transgressing morality, pushing buttons and dying a spectacular death.

#RPG – Soon… (soon being a relative term for me)

AFMfront

Grimdark – Possessed Armour

lynton-levengood-dread-champions-of-the-order-of-the-blackened-sun-x1600
A suit of animated armour, possessed by an evil ghost. The faint and shadowy form of the wearer can be made out, between the joints and interwoven with the armour itself which takes on a darker hue – like aged iron.
Medium Undead, Lawful Evil
AC 18 (Natural Armour)
HP 33 (6d8+6) [Grimdark HP 8
Heroism (Villainy) 2
Speed 25 ft.
Str 14+2, Dex 11+0, Con -. Int 11+0. Wis 11+0. Cha 11+0.
To read this full article, please donate $1 a month on my Patreon to get articles like this, access to me and discounts on apparel and PDFs of RPGs. You can get many of the same perks (but fewer) by following me on Minds.com and donating 1 token a month.

#Starfinder – Starfinder Month Bonus: TurboHitler

robohitler_by_deimos_remus-d97j1yqTurboHitler

Some evil transcends space, time and even the barriers of reality. Turbo Hitler is but one manifestation from the Liga der Unendlichen Nazis (League of Infinite Nazis) who constantly probe at the barriers between realities from Vampire Himmler’s Transdimensional Fortress Wewelsburg. Many a hapless world has fallen to fleets of saucers bearing the crooked cross, the howling madness of the were-macht or the legions of storm-giant troopers.

Turbo Hitler is but one manifestation of the Infinite Fuhrer, albeit a dangerous one. Resurrected by the elixirs of Herbert West when a dead German corporal was brought to his trench-lab, the undead Hitler spent weeks in No-Man’s Land feasting on the bodies of the fallen until he recovered his senses.

Decapitated in a climactic battle with Iron Joe’s gorilla-soldiers the still-living head was spirited away as the remnants of his Reich fled across the dimensions in Wewelsburg, finally settling in a dead reality to rebuild – and be rebuilt.

***

The absolute madman.

Challenge accepted.

Etc.

There’s an adage in gaming, ‘if you stat it, they will kill it’. So, let’s kill (turbo) Hitler.

***

Lawful-Evil
Construct/Undead (technological/Cybernetic) Envoy
CR: 25

Str: +7, Dex: +5, Con: -, Cha: +15, Int: +8, Wis: +12

Initiative: +5, Speed: 25 ft.

Fortitude: +19, Reflex: +21, Will: +26

EAC: 42
KAC: 43
Prismatic Forcefield: 50 temp HP, Fast Healing 10, Fortification 100 (infinite effective power)
Mk2 Spell Reflector

Resolve: 8

Hit Points: 650

Attacks:
Mech Stomp +39 Melee, 12d12+32
Panzerarme +37 Ranged, Range 100 ft, 20 rounds, 25d6 P, 20 ft radius.
Pop-Out Heavy MG Secondary Weapon +37, Range 120 ft, 100 rounds, usage 4, Analog, Automatic.

Special Abilities:
Darkvision 60 ft, Low-Light Vision, Construct Immunities, Unliving, Undead Immunities.
True Expertise (Improved Get ‘Em) – Resolve spend effect for free (Envoy Ability)
Sustained Determination (Envoy Ability)
Hidden Agenda (Envoy Ability)
Draw Fire (Envoy Ability)
Long Range Improvisation (Envoy Ability)
Skilful
anime_hitler_by_rebelofgod-dajd932Crush (As standard melee attack, but after leaping onto the target, pins them)

Skills:
Sense Motive: +47
Bluff: +47
Intimidate +47
Culture +42

Profession (Demagogue/Cha) +42

#RPG Foul Humours for the OSR RELEASED! – Schlocktoberfest

BUY IT HERE

The OSR has become something of a home for the grotesque, the strange, the disgusting and the horrible. Whether that be the deadly oddities and horrors of Lamentations of the Flame Princess or the pecularities of Carcosa – not the mention the many other fringe products – there seems to be a home for the vile, unsettling and surreal.

Some of the things that cause the most visceral disgust and reaction in people are bodily fluids – spit, blood, urine and more. Slimes and oozes have always been a big part of fantasy gaming and combining these with the wilder, darker sides of magic and the compulsion to shock and disgust players who come under attack by these things can combine to create some potentially powerful monsters and dark spells.

Enjoy these ‘Foul Humours’, created from human excresence.

Rough as Toast
‘Rough as Toast’ is my imprint for ‘cheap and nasty’ products. Things that are a bit more experimental, silly or ‘hit and miss’ where a lot of money can’t be spent or risked on a bit of an ‘out there’ idea. If you see that marker, you know you’re getting something a little ‘whacky’ or uncertain, but you will probably get some fun out of it.

Schlocktoberfest
The Pulps were churned out at a massive rate of knots. Strange and silly ideas thrown at the wall to see what stuck. Occasionally some of those ideas turned out to have legs – legs that are still carrying them nearly a hundred years later. My intent with Schlocktoberfest (prevously just a sale some years back) is to just throw a bunch of monsters, ideas and other bits and pieces at the ‘wall’ and see what sticks. Maybe something will.