#RPG #TTRPG #WeirdHookMonth – Just Desserts

thestuff.pngHook

Remember that chocolate bar you loved so much? Some people pay big money for discontinued treats, but some things aren’t meant to be resurrected. A stash of hundreds of frozen tubs of a yoghurt-like substance from the 1980s are uncovered. Some will pay big bucks for a taste.

Suggested System

Blood!, FATE, All Flesh Must be Eaten, Savage Worlds.

Privilege Check Hardcopy – On Sale

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Hardcopy versions of Privilege Check Or: An Egregious Example of the Tone Deaf, Silencing, ‘Humour’ of the Heteropatriarchal, White, Oppressor Class are now available via the Game Crafter, officially.

The simple design works very well as physical objects and the game – while not to everyone’s taste – works well.

The game replicates the bitter cut, thrust and partisan divisions of online arguments about social justice issues, making fun of both the hypersensitive Tumblrina style special snowflakes, and the cruder attitudes of their opposition. The hope is (was) that people could laugh at themselves.

Faint hope indeed.

If you prefer to pick up the PDF you can get that HERE.

If you prefer to express your outrage you may feel free to leave a comment below.

For those outside the US the shipping from Game Crafter is somewhat prohibitive, so I would suggest clubbing together to get several copies and then distribute them once they arrive in your country.

‘Realistic’ Medieval Character Generation (MongTrav)

Inspired by the idea of a ‘realistic medieval RPG’ as mentioned here: http://www.gamespot.com/articles/mafia-creator-reveals-open-world-medieval-rpg-for-next-gen-consoles/1100-6416823/ After all, where else did you die during character creation?

holygrailRealistic Medieval Character Generation for MongTrav

Step One: Statistics

Roll Social Standing First 2d6

2-7: Serf
8-9: Freeman/Guildsman
10: Clergy
11+: Nobility or Clergy – Choose

Serfs and Freemen:

Strength, Dexterity & Endurance: 2d6-(1d6-1).
Intelligence: 2d6-1
Education: 1d6

Clergy

All statistics 2d6

Nobility

Education: 2d6-1
All others 2d6

Massacre-of-the-InnocentsStep Two: Infant Mortality

Roll 2d6. Add +1 if Freeman or Clergy, +2 if Nobility

2-7: You die while an infant. Roll a D6, on a 1-2 it was when you were born, on a 1 you took your mother with you.
8-9: You suffer a terrible injury or illness during childhood. Roll on the childhood injury table.
10+: You survive to adulthood.

Childhood Injury

Roll 2d6 and lose 1d6 from the statistic.

2 Social Standing (Disfigurement and injury has a negative effect)
3 Education (Learning disability/memory problems)
4 Intelligence
5 Dexterity
6 Strength
7 Endurance
8 Strength
9 Dexterity
10 Intelligence
11 Education (Learning disability/memory problems)
12 Social Standing (Disfigurement and injury has a negative effect)

If this takes a statistic to zero, you’re dead.

Medieval-monk-writingStep Three: Literacy

Clergy are automatically literate.

All others must roll 2d6. +1 for Freemen, +2 for Nobility

2-7: Illiterate.
8-9: Very basic literacy.
10+: Fully literate.

Step Four: Background Skills

Serfs/Freemen: Animals 0, Survival 0, Trade 0, Archery 0.
Clergy: Administration 0, Language (Latin) 0, Advocate 0.
Nobility: Leadership 0, Language (French or Latin) 0, Melee 0, Archery 0.

Step Five: Terms

At this point you are fourteen years old. Terms last four years and you roll twice to see what skills you get. There’s no promotions or mustering out. You are what you are. Failed survival rolls result in a roll on the childhood injury table.

Serf

2 Deception +1
3 Carouse +1
4 Animals +1
5 Athletics +1
6 Athletics +1
7 Animals +1
8 Deception +1
9 Carouse +1
10 Animals +1
11 Gambling +1
12 Endurance or Strength +1
Survival: Endurance 6+

Freeman

2 Administration +1
3 Athletics +1
4 Art +1
5 Broker +1
6 Animals +1
7 Guild Appropriate Skill (Nothing outside your guild’s remit) +1
8 Guild Appropriate Skill (Nothing outside your guild’s remit) +1
9 Gambler +1
10 Deception +1
11 Carouse +1
12 Any Statistic +1
Survival: Endurance 5+

Clergy

2 Animals +1
3 Carouse +1
4 Art +1
5 Advocate +1
6 Leadership +1
7 Administration +1
8 Deception +1
9 Diplomat +1
10 Language +1
11 Gambler +1
12 Education +1
Survival: Intelligence 4+

Nobility

2 Animals +1
3 Advocate +1
4 Administration +1
5 Athletics +1
6 Art +1
7 Language +1
8 Leadership +1
9 Diplomat +1
10 Deception +1
11 Carouse +1
12 Social Standing +1
Survival: Social Standing 4+

a_knight_s_tale130211204951il_destino_di_un_cavaliere_1Criminal

Any character can choose to take a criminal term instead of their normal term, if they want.

2 Advocate +1
3 Athletics +1
4 Animal +1
5 Carouse +1
6 Deception +1
7 Stealth +1
8 Gambler +1
9 Melee +1
10 Archery +1
11 Persuade +1
12 Dexterity or Intelligence +1
Survival: Dexterity 7+, failure indicates that you’re put to death. If Clergy or Nobility you can try to succeed a second time on Social Standing 7+, if you fail this time you take an injury from punishment. Otherwise you get off scot free.

End of Term

1. Make your plague check by rolling 1d6. First term 1-3: You die of plague. Second term 1-2: You die of plague. Third term: 6: You die of plague. If you live past your third term, you’re not going to die of plague.
2. Roll to see if you’re called to military service. Clergy are exempt. On a 1-2 you go to war. Gain +1 to one of the following skills of your choice: Melee, Archery, Animals, Survival. Make another survival test, Endurance 7+ and take an injury if you fail.

Other notes:

Aging effects start at age 30.

Good luck surviving that!

Peak Actor Looming

Production of British People

There is an environmental and entertainment crisis looming for the entire world in our near and immediate future. A crisis that has gone largely unnoticed in wider circles and is virtually unknown outside of the UK. A crisis against which climate change and ice-cap melting seems like nothing.

The world’s voracious demand for British character actors threatens to strip the globe of its entire supply by 2050.

While the discovery of rich fields of Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen have staved off the end for a while and lulled some into a false sense of security the fact remains that the production and discovery of British people has been declining at the same time that their use has been increasing in leaps and bounds.

We have become too used to there being a plentiful supply of British character actors for the world to use and as such their over-use has become the norm. If the entire world were to use British character actors at the rate that the United States does, we would need three whole Britains to sustain the supply.

Already we are starting to see the beginning of the problems that we will all soon face. British comedians are being pressed into service as dramatic actors to make up the shortfall and there have been many, disastrous attempts to create synthetic British using Australians, Canadians, South Africans and even, misguidedly, Americans.

Projected British actor usage to 2020

We all need to slow down, take a breath and start looking into sustainable, authentic and organic sources of British character actors and not to make such a foolish waste of this scarce and precious resources. We can all do our part to help:

1. Stop using British actors for non-British parts (especially villains).
2. Lobby American Entertainment companies to use cheap and plentiful alternatives, such as Irish, Germans or Scandinavians.
3. Sponsor a Brit-Breeding Program in your area.
4. Caution your friends and neighbours about the dangers of Synthetic British people. 

It is also of vital importance that we impress upon our politicians and media moguls that this is a real and impending crisis. There are many Peak Actor deniers in the Media-Industrial Complex who insist that Peak Actor is merely a scare put out by conspiracy theorists and scientists who want to force an agenda for change upon the world. Research companies have been bought up and interfered with by the Royal Shakespeare Company and HBO have lobbied hard to have this issue belittled and ignored by the United States Congress.

We all need to work together, to raise awareness and to ensure this nightmare scenario never comes to pass.

Thank you for your assistance.

Caution: Synthetic British people may be toxic.