101 Conspiracies (Now) – The Royal Wedding (Ian Warner)

Following up on the @ctiv8 item, here’s a full blown conspiracy theory sheet in the style of 100 Conspiracy Theories

 

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Conspiracy 101! The Royal Wedding

By Ian Warner

Preface

Following Grim’s example with his @ctiv8 stuff below I’ve decided to do a Royal Wedding themed article for the blog. Having just read the excellent 100 Conspiracies it seemed only fair to write the 101st about this allegedly historic occasion (err since when has any Royal Wedding gone down in history as important?) So let us begin with the obligatory disclaimer.

Disclaimer

This isn’t an actual claim. There is no real Royal Wedding Conspiracy. There may well be a cynical element in the timing of the event and I have a hard enough time believing love exists at all let alone it spontaneously springing up between an inbred idiot and a girl who’s just common enough without being too common but hey they seem happier than his parents and the idea there is an actual organised conspiracy about the whole thing is ludicrous fantasy. The Royals, Security Services and the British Government can’t find their arses with both hands how are they supposed to arrange the “love affair of the century” and make it look even a tiny bit convincing? Anyway it’s good RPG fodder and that’s where Conspiracy 101 comes in!

Description

Awfully convenient isn’t it? We have a Royal Wedding, where the bride is, supposedly, a commoner to distract the proles just as the Government is making savage cuts all round and desperately trying to hide the fact there is a referendum that could potentially make things fairer for all. Add to this the whole furore about whether stopping 10 nutters with banners shouting stupid slogans about world domination and the evil of democracy is an infringement of free speech or necessary to spare the “happy couple” any distress and you have a real stinking mess.

So what if the whole thing is a sham? Whether to distract from Government fuck ups, put a halt on reform or spark a religion based civil war it seems a bit farfetched doesn’t it?

But maybe that is all part of the plan?

How is it Done?

Subtlety is the name of the sham relationship game. If it’s too perfect it won’t be at all believable (hence the brief “split.”)

Perhaps only one or neither of the pair is aware of the Conspiracy. However more than likely bullying and or bribery is involved on the party that is.

The Royal Family are more likely to be in on the secret than the Middletons. After all they’re old hands at this game. Aristocrats NEVER make love matches if they can help it! It is possible that the Royals are being duped by the Middletons and whoever is backing them but it is very unlikely as the Royals have thousands of years of experience in pulling this kind of scam.

Either way the “legend” has been carefully stage managed from the day the Prince first spotted the young madam in that transparent dress. If the couple are oblivious to this they may be wondering why Malcolm Tucker and friends seem to be fussing over them so much!

Cui Bono?

The obvious beneficiary is the British Government for hiding it’s destruction of the welfare state and the fact we now have a chance to make it less likely that we don’t end up with idiots by default. (Well we’ll still end up with idiots but of a better kind hopefully!)

The Royal Family will benefit from a Commoner in the ranks: Officially for a change rather than as a mistress. Perhaps this will be the fairy story that keeps the anachronism around for hundreds more years? (Oh fuck I hope not!)

The Security Services, the Far Right (religious or otherwise) and Extremist Islam would all love the opportunity to blow an even bigger gaping wound between the already fractious communities.  The Security Services are only trying to make the nutters a bit more obvious so they can get the power to nab them more easily. The latter two are out to start a religion based civil war.

Conspirators

1001 Club, Anglo American Alliance, Assassins, Committee of 300, Entertainment Companies, Global Elite, Golden Dawn, Hellfire Club, IMF, Industrialists, International Banks, Invisible Space Lizards, MI5/6, Mossad, Muslims, Neo Fascists, Phoebus Cartel, Pilgrim’s Society, Republican Inner Circle, Rothschilds, Royalty, Rupert Murdoch, Shadow Government, Templars, Great Commission, Illuminati, Masons, Time Travellers, UN, US, Whitey, Zionists.

Story Seeds

1) Paparazzi of the basest kind assigned by the Daily Slag to get the “most important shot of the big day” (up the dress!) The Characters snap something they shouldn’t. Something that may potentially expose the conspiracy. At first it’s just a foul mouthed Scot yelling at them but soon they find themselves on the run from S019 and a bunch of armed suits. Of course with typical British incompetence nobody told the couple about this little security breach so maybe the carriage will have a few uninvited passengers!

2) As the Royal Protection Unit’s best operatives the Characters haven’t had a wink of sleep for the past 3 days and the tedium and exhaustion is getting to them. They keep seeing and hearing things that don’t make sense, arguments with mysterious suited men about money, the couple shooting each other subtle vengeful looks and Prince Philip clutching a shotgun. Okay the latter isn’t too weird but pointed at his grandson’s back? Are these hallucinations or is the whole thing a conspiracy?

3) As Far Right or Jihadi operatives the Characters are preparing for a day of chaos and violence when they find their leadership has been working with their sworn ideological enemies to engineer the whole occasion to provide a stage for the coming bloodbath. Do they play along with this ruse or take revenge for this betrayal?

Victoriana: Monkey Business

The mysterious Monsieur Terreur is a mercenary assassin, based in the deep countryside of Southern France where he maintains a peculiar and singular zoo of his own construction. Here he imports and trains great apes as assassins. Their unrivaled strength and natural ferocity brought to a terrible peak, their bodies clad and armed for the urban jungle. Monsieur Terreur has trained his ape killers to hunt down and kill particular targets, based on their scent and appearance and unleashes his horrors upon the rooftops to track down and beat to death those who have been targeted before returning to his cage-wagon for their reward.

Monsieur Terreur and his killer apes can make good subjects for investigation, or colourful henchmen for the true villain of a Victoriana adventure.

Killer Ape
With a terrifying and primal scream, like something out of the fevered dreams of a naturalist, a thing of hair, metal and teeth comes swinging through the window in a shower of broken glass, reaching for you with arms as powerful as a locomotive, clad in steel and hooks.
Physical: 11
Mental: 4
Health: 7/14
Armour: 2 (natural) 8 (Cuirass) total 10.
Damage: Brawl (6d) – Armoured climbing gloves, also provide +1 bonus to climbing rolls in urban terrain.

The killer ape is glad in a metal breastplate and helmet that covers its eyes and skull but leaves its toothed jaw free to scream, holler and bite. Its hands are glad in metal gloves that end in hooks, makings its attacks more fierce and allowing it to get better grip on urban surfaces such as bricks and drainpipes, rather than its native jungle branches.

Monsieur Terreur
No amount of expensive clothing can hide this man’s low breeding, the slope of his forehead, the greasiness of his moustache, the beady eyes that betray him to be a cunning sociopath of the criminal classes. He sneers at you, showing a gold tooth and shouts out ‘Attaque!’ With a deafening crack a great whip is snapped back in his gloved hand, ready to strike, its length glittering with powdered glass.
Rank:
12
Physical Competence: 7
Mental Competence: 12
Signature Skills: Animal Handling, Drive Carriage, Bull.
Traits: Animal Empathy, Agility, Street Informant, Ancestral Estate, Income Upper Class 2.
Health: 5/10
Weapon: Glass Whip (12)

@ctiv8: Royal Wedding


If this guy is a real Anarchist, I will eat my own testicles. Pic from Evening Standard.

@ctiv8 is an RPG of activism and social change derived from ideas that can be found in Mission Impossible, Global Frequency and the real-life (dis)organisation, Anonymous, as well as flash mobs and social uprisings in The Middle East and elsewhere.

The Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton is set against a backdrop of savage cuts to the social infrastructure of Britain with many of these cuts being pushed through on the back of social deference to the rulings classes, despite them having no clear remit to make such sweeping changes. Meanwhile the establishment is carrying on much as before, bankers are still getting their bonuses, corporations are being let off tax and much vaunted increased restrictions on risky bank ventures are yet to materialise. Questionable military involvement continues in Afghanistan and elsewhere while the revolts in the Middle East are inspiring similar ambitions amongst activists across the world.

In the UK there is a strengthening protest movement and a chance, though a slim one, that the electoral system may be changed to become fairer and more representative. Despite that the establishment is still intent on pursuing their aims, gutting the public sector and dismantling much of the social safety net. In the middle of all this comes the Royal Wedding, a demonstration of profligate excess and gutless toadying to the established order that is somewhat akin to beating a rabid and starving wolf with a roast turkey.

A propaganda war is already in progress to demonise protesters and there are extremists who will seek to disrupt the wedding in a violent manner, a way that is as likely to backfire in terms of public response as it is to change anyone’s mind for the better.

@ctiv8 can get involved in several ways in the nascent protests, but they’ll have their work cut out considering the massive size of the police operation involved, the tightness of security and the potential use of anti-terrorism laws to prevent any groups that aren’t fans of the royal couple from attending.

Possible @ctiv8 missions/combos could include:

  • Training activists to be better at tackling police, especially mounted/riot police.
  • Targeting police units/equipment prior to the day.
  • Preparing a big prank/coup to execute on the day.
  • Countering police agents provocateur.
  • Counter extremists who could turn the whole thing into a debacle.
  • Place measures into media so that what goes out is raw, live, genuine footage from activists.

Possible opposition could include:

  • Various police units.
  • Royal protection squad.
  • MI5
  • Terrorists
  • Extremists
  • Concerned citizens
  • Right wing media

Standard police will have stats/skills around the 3/3 marker appropriate to their role with single focus. Specialist units rising to 4/4 with two foci. This would be an extremely high risk endeavour but for it to be a PR success it needs to go off smoothly and be accurately reported – two things that haven’t happened with recent protests. Indeed the age of the mass protest and standard direct action may be over.

Characters would need appropriate hacking, security, unarmed combat, teaching, activist, revolutionary and other skills sets and should be built round that sort of role.

Blood!: Sweet Zombie Jesus

“Easter is when we celebrate Jesus coming back. We just never expected to take it so literally, or for it to be a matter that was most definitely NOT a cause for celebration. When he came back this time the dead came to life with him, rapidly overtaking Jerusalem and spreading out in all directions. Apparently his old man has decided its time for humanity to come to an end and this tide of the dead is his way of wiping the planet clean again. Well, fuck that. Let’s get this sandal-wearing carpenter back in his tomb, where he belongs.”

Jesus has returned to Earth, as a flesh-eating monster, head of an army of the resurrected who are spreading out from the Middle East and overrunning the earth.

The terrible thing is that all these dead souls who have risen again retain their intelligence and ability to communicate, just not control over their bodies. They know what they’re doing and they hate it… these tormented. What’s even more disturbing is that nobody appears to have been raptured and nobody is being spared. Everyone is falling beneath the teeth and nails of the dead and swelling their ranks with every casualty.

In order to stem the tide of death and save the world, the secret occult intelligence services of the Earth have cobbled together a squad of Jews, Pagans, Atheists and Satanists who have been assigned to hook up with a Mossad operations team in what remains of the necropolis of Jerusalem, to track down the resurrected Jesus and destroy him, saving the world.

Zombies
The zombies use the normal average zombie states. While the minds and vocal chords are still intelligent and despairing, the bodies are primitive and incapable of using high tech weaponry. However, unlike normal zombies, these zombies can keep coming despite being shot in the brain or cut into pieces. If anything is severed it keeps coming as a ‘Body Part’ (which is available as a Freakshow)

Jesus

He hasn’t come spreading peace this time, he’s come bearing a sword. Jesus is immune to all weapons except those made of wood or metal piercing weapons such as spears, nails or arrows. He can be repulsed by a cross if he fails a Willpower roll – unpleasant memories. Jesus can walk on liquids and transmute one liquid into another liquid. If he takes a whole turn to act he can completely reconstitute and heal an undead nearby. He can only be destroyed by being physically annihilated.

Strength 70
Stamina 90
Agility 50
Perception 60
Intelligence 60
Pain Threshold 100
Willpower 90
Luck 70
Movement 2/4/10/20
Actions 4
Damage Bonus +1d4
Energy Points +5
H2H +5
Exert Strength 55%
Initiative +0
Shock Survival 115%
Toxin Resistance 120%
Hear/Sight/Smell/Taste/Touch: 80/80/50/50/50

HP 72
BP N/A

Skills
Craft (Carpentry) 20%
Dodge 25%
Entertainment (Stage Magic) 55%
Theology (Christian) 100%
Judge Character 100%
Languages: Hebrew, Aramaic, Greek 100%
Leadership: 80%
Local History: 60%
Public Speaking: 90%

Bite: 45 – Actions 4 – Damage 1d6+1d4 – Blade/Bite1
Claw: 65 – Actions 1 – Damage 2d4 – Blade/H2H

As for the non-Christian commando team, I would suggest getting inspiration from Clive Barker’s Jericho.

4th Edition Surprise

I have been massively surprised by the success of our 4th Edition product Sickness in Springdale by the incomparable Tracy Hurley. My earlier 4e product Living Constructs didn’t do remotely as well and the comparison between the two and what I’ve seen elsewhere in the, frankly small and unsuccessful third party 4e market suggests to me that it’s a very different market and target audience to 3.5/Pathfinder. This is surprising, because you would think it would be the same people, the same audience essentially and that they would want the same thing.

The GSL is, clearly, bollocks. It’s far too restrictive and guts the capability of third party publishers to produce broader product or riff off the 4e system. On the other hand it apparently applies to all D&D4e derived games, so we’re free to do stuff for Gamma World as well, something I fully intend to do. DDI, along with the relative tightness of control over 4e means that creating things like new character classes, feats, powers etc is pretty much a lost cause, something that was the meat and potatoes of 3.x 3PP.

When it comes to 4e product is seems cheap and simple is the way to go if you want to produce anything with any crunch. That pretty much limits you to monsters and adventures. If you’re after fluff you could create game worlds but there’s little point producing a lot of crunch to go with it. However, if you do something cheap, accessible and useful, it seems that you’re OK, even do pretty well.

Certainly it’s changed my mind about doing a little more with 4e, more 6-Pack adventures, some monster guides and some shiny things for Gamma World – though possibly not face-raping mecha gibbons due to the rules about adult content…

6-Pack Adventures: Sickness in Springdale[4e] RELEASED!

The third in a series of 6-Pack Adventures, pick-up-and-play adventures designed to fill 2-4 hours of play and containing everything you need.

  • Battle Map
  • Tokens
  • Pre-generated characters

For longevity you can use the tokens and the map for anything else you care to do and the adventures should be fairly easily adaptable to fit into your existing campaign if you want.

In Sickness in Springdale, the characters attempt to save their town from a deadly illness by finding a cure. To do so, they need to travel through the Lady’s Woods where they will meet a series of challenges to gain her favor.

During the course of their travels, they find that their town is not the only one with the disease and there’s competition for the cure…

For use with 4e.

You can buy it HERE and at all the other regular PDF outlets soon.
You can buy it in hardcopy – which I recommend – and many of our other books HERE

Please also check the following post as we’re trying to put together a bundle to help Japan.

Good news everyone!


After a titanic battle on what was supposed to be a half day, I have FIXED a problem with the print versions of 6-Pack Adventures where they were being obscured by egregious barcodes but, after a long battle and lots of talk with Lulu support, I seem to have fixed the issue.

You can buy them HERE

You can also get them on PDF but I’ve kept the print price as low as is practical and these really are things you should buy in hardcopy to get the best use out of them as the book covers form the maps.

6-Pack Adventures: Desecration RELEASED!

Buy it HERE

The second in a series of 6-Pack Adventures, pick-up-and-play adventures designed to fill 2-4 hours of play and containing everything you need.

  • Battle Map
  • Tokens
  • Pre-generated characters

For longevity you can use the tokens and the map for anything else you care to do and the adventures should be fairly easily adaptable to fit into your existing campaign if you want.

Desecration has a group of elven adventurers investigating strange goings on in some of their holy woodland – at the behest of a goddess no less…

Pathfinder and associated marks and logos are trademarks of Paizo Publishing, LLC, and are used under license. See paizo.com/pathfinderRPG for more information on the Pathfinder Roleplaying Game.

Cubicle 7 Shiny Version of 100 Fantasy Adventure Seeds

The slow but steady release of my tie-ins with C7 continue with the release of this shiny art-inclusive version of 100 Fantasy Adventure Seeds. Can’t wait to get my author copies, you can order it at your local store (please do) or via C7’s site HERE.

Why you should buy 6-Pack in Hardcopy

You can buy the PDF of course, but this is one where I really recommend that you do actually buy the hardcopy. I’ve kept the hardcopy price as low as I can but what really makes it is that this amounts to a cheap battlemat of much higher quality than a lot of the more papery or poster-quality battlemats that you have out there.

At $1.99 it’s less than half the price on PDF than most comparable products and you also get an adventure along with it.

At $5.25 (approximately) for the hardcopy, that’s also less than half the cost of comparable battle-maps and since it’s formed from a cover it’s much more hard wearing and higher quality than a poster-map and less likely to get crumpled quite so easily.

This isn’t just an adventure and it’s not just a battlemat. This is a bridging product and a takeaway adventure that you can just pick up and play in an evening, even though the mats will last a hell of a lot longer.

You can buy the hardcopy version HERE