“Who’s there?”
– Endorsement from Gag Halfront
The prototypes of our new gaming safety tools have arrived and seem to be in good order.
The Joo Janta 2000 Offence-Proof Isolation Hood is an improvement on the previous Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses, where a milisecond of terror could be percieved before the glasses took effect, and terrifying sounds could be heard regardless.
The hood has been specially designed not only to prevent you from seeing anything that might alarm you, but to completely insulate you from potentially offensive sounds, sights and even smells.
Snug and safe within your Joo Janta 2000 Offence-Proof Isolation Hood, you do not have to worry if games turn lewd, horrifying, engaging or exciting in any way. You will be completely deaf, blind and have no sense of smell, oblivious to twists and turns of plot, conflict or character interaction. Simultaneously the hood will allow you to nurse your quirks and minor mental tics into full blown, unchallenged psychopathologies, while also preventing you from ruining anyone else’s fun.
The Offence-Proof Isolation Hood will be available for $50.00 ALD, plus postage and packing (not available on Vogsphere, Arium or the Frogstar System. Delivery to parallel realities incurs a surcharge of 10%) . Smug sense of self-righteousness not included.
Perks:
- Completely impermeable to anything offensive.
- Finest Arcturan Mega-Calf leather.
- Complete deafness, blindness and sense-of-smell blocking guaranteed.
- Never be offended, perturbed, scared, horrified, excited, engaged, titilated or stimulated ever again!
The online version, for use in Virtual Tabletops, and compatible with all forms of online play can be downloaded HERE for free.
We suggest that the Joo Janta 2000 Offence-Proof Isolation Hood is worn with shoes, to prevent pain from treading on dice.
(5e D&D effect – Advantage on all saves against sight, hearing or smell based attacks, as well as fear effects and anything else the DM deems appropriate. Disadvantage on anything that requires using your senses. Habitual users no longer get Advantage, but get Disadvantage when not wearing the hood).
Postmortem Studios 