Do: Melanie in the Whale – Actual Play

(I went to art college, if you can believe that…)

Our Pilgrims leave the temple on their pilgrimage, heading out into the floating worlds to solve (or cause) problems for those they encounter.

Pilgrim Clumsy Spinner is a knit-wit. The sound of her clicking needles is ever present. She solves problems through her skill with crafting yarn and gets into trouble because outside of knitting, she’s a ham-fisted clod.

Pilgrim Spazzy Cook loves her food, especially cake, especially chocolate cake. She can bake almost anything from whatever ingredients are available. She’s a little excitable though and tends to ‘spazz out’ when the pressure is on.

Pilgrim Dithering Doktor loves his science and hopes to find knowledge out in the worlds. He uses the power of SCIENCE! to help people with their problems but his brain rushes with so many ideas, all at once, that he often can’t choose between them.

Pilgrim Oblivious Locks is a bit of a preening egotist but his magical, long, flowing, beautiful hair gives him good reason to think well of himself. Between the hair in his eyes and his self-absorption he seldom really notices what’s going on around him though, lost in a world of his own.

The first letter to find its way to the pilgrims was from a poor girl called Melanie whose small world had been swallowed, whole, by a Sky Whale (along with her house and her cat – disaster!). Melanie seemed like a nice girl in a bad situation and fired up with enthusiasm the pilgrims set off to her rescue.

Oblivious Locks hurtled through the void ahead of the whale and span his hair into a gigantic net to catch the whale. It was only then the whale hit the net that he remembered that he’d forgotten to anchor himself and got torn away, trailing after the whale, pulled by his hair.


Dithering Doktor froze with indecision in the bath of the barrelling hair-covered whale, flitting this way and that, unable to decide which way to go. The whale swept past him, a little too close for comfort, it’s fluke smacking the controls of his rocket pack! Dithering Doktor hurtled around and around on a pillar of fire and smacked into the whale’s mouth, the jets forcing him in with a loud pop!

Seeing the plan going horribly, horribly wrong Spazzy Cook threw up her hands and screamed in horror. “No! My cookies!” Flushing with embarrassment she quickly corrected herself “I mean.., no, Melanie!” Quick as a flash she arranged her pots and pans in the air and dashed off some krill cupcakes, luring the whale back her way.

Clumsy Spinner, being a little more calm and collected decided to correct Oblivious Locks’ mistake and tied off one of her balls of yarn to a floating tree, hurling the other end into the whale’s mouth as it gaped to munch on the cupcakes. Om nom nom nom. The yarn swept past Melanies cat – the putative target – and got tangled in the trees next to Melanies house, whereupon the cat chased the yarn up into the trees and got stuck!

Still tangled up in the whale by his hair, Oblivious Locks struggles and twists and, with excellent ‘luck’ his hair tickles the whale’s blowhole. There is a world-shaking sneeze and Oblivious Locks is blown free – albeit covered in whale snot.

Pilgrim Oblivious Locks’ hair tickles the whale’s blowhole and it sneezes, hurling him into the void covered in whale snot.

Globs of snot float through the air and line the whale’s mouth. Dithering Doktor picks himself up inside the whale’s mouth and grabs a handful of whale snot and slathers it to the yarn tangled around the house and trees, drying it to a hard seal with his technological wonder, the ‘Hair dryificator’, securing the yarn to the house.

Spazzy Cook is strong – from kneading dough – and grabs hold of the yarn with her broad cook’s arms, yanking hard on it and hauling the house, the planet, the trees, Melanie – and her cat – out of the whale’s mouth while it sniffles and wipes its mouth with a fluke.

Victory was theirs and the pilgrims shared a – slightly snotty – high five.

Clumsy Spinner was give a bale of wool from the planet’s sheep (singular).

Oblivious Locks got to wash his hair in Melanie’s bathroom and she brushed it for him – no mean feat!

Dithering Doktor got to collect as much whale snot as he wanted for his experiments, which made him happy, what an odd fellow.

Melanie shared her cookie recipe with Spazzy Cook and then the pilgrims left, bags heavy with cookies, for further adventures amongst the worlds!

Ian’s Updates

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Morality: IHL

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Attack of the Prudes
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Penguin Pain and Prejudice #1 Speech