Coming Soonish: Lesbian Ninja Vampire Cheerleaders With Chainsaws Save The World From Zombies

Lest you think we’d gotten all tasteful and sensitive all of a sudden,  from the twisted mind of Brad McDevitt comes…

What the Hell…?

Lesbian Ninja Vampire Cheerleaders With Chainsaws Save The World From Zombies is a satirical role-playing game for adults. Not that kind of role-playing.. the tabletop kind. It borrows liberally from higher-education hijinks movies and shows, anime, hentai, kung-fu movies, classical horror literature, the Arthurian mythos, and exploitation movies, with a healthy dose of soft-core and hardcore porno action to add that extra jalapeno-pepper-sized kick.

In Lesbian Ninja Vampire Cheerleaders With Chainsaws Save The World From Zombies, you, the player, take the part of a very specific type of character:  the eponymous cheerleaders of the title. Whereas in other games that will go unnamed for legal reasons, you the player don’t get to choose whether you are a wizard, a warrior, a thief, a spy, etc. In this game, you play a vampire ninja cheerleader, and almost definitely a lesbian.

But I think you knew that going into this, right? So let’s get back the story.

Zombies, Zombies Everywhere, and Into You Their Teeth to Sink…

Three years ago, in 2012, a supernatural disaster has engulfed the world, causing the recent and sometimes not so recent dead to rise to devour the living. The world’s governments are at best in disarray; many have fallen altogether. TheUnited Statesgovernment, with most of the Eastern half of the country overrun with zombies, as been forced to relocate toBoulder,Colorado. From there, they have regrouped, and are holding the line at theMississippi River, but only barely.

All along the Eastern Seaboard and most of theMidwest, however, is decimated. While life survives, most towns are armed and barricaded camps, ready and prepared to repel hordes of cannibalistic undead at any moment. And those fighting for their survival know that each death on their side only adds to the numbers of the enemy.

Lesbian Ninja Vampire Cheerleaders to the Rescue!

Humanity, however, is not without allies. Faced with the extinction of the human race, the mother of all Vampires, the Biblical Lilith, has come out her retirement as the president of a small all-girls’ college and taken up the gauntlet to save the human race.

With her she brings her elite cadre of warriors: hand-picked ninja warriors she has granted the gift of Vampirism. Lilith, wronged by many men since the days of Adam, had long ago turned her back on the world and the attentions of Men, hence all her recent converts have been women, the only people Lilith still trusts enough to risk having around forever. That Lilith is also the coach for the school’s cheerleading team made it an easy decision for her to start by making those girls her first of her team of Vampire ninjas.

Even before she made them Vampires, Lilith had already seduced many of the cheerleading team into being her lovers. Given Lilith’s Skillz at lesbian lovemaking, it was a seduction  none of the cheerleaders resented.

…With Chainsaws!

In their first soiree against the Zombies, the ninja cheerleaders quickly found that traditional weapons are not very effective against the undead, or at least against that particular type of undead,. Guns did no noticeable damage except with lucky headshots, and stabbing them did no good whatsoever. Luckily, that fight was in a department store in the tools section, one of the ninjas had the bright idea to grab a display model chainsaw*, and the day (or night) was saved.

*odd that a dangerous piece of machinery on public display would be fully loaded and ready to use, ehh?

Since then Lilith has equipped and trained all her ninjas with chainsaws and sends them out on missions up and down the Eastern Seaboard (and beyond as necessary) trying to destroy as many zombies as possible, safeguarding human enclaves when they find them, and generally trying to figure out ways to slow the effects of the Zombie Apocalypse.

A World Gone Gonzo

It is now 3 AZ (Anno Zombie), and the world has seen an upsurge in overall weirdness. Angels an Demons have emerged from the shadows to join the fight for humanity. Equally, werewolves and other vampires (mostly male) have joined with the enigmatic forces that caused the disaster, seeking to enslave and slaughter the human race.

Magic has started to flourish in ways unseen outside ofHollywoodsummer blockbusters. In hidden laboratories, scientists are making breakthroughs that would make Albert Einstein’s hair go white, if it had not been already, then using them on the battlefield, both for and against Humanity. The laws of probability, possibility, and general sanity are breaking down, with only a tiny group of lesbian vampire ninja cheerleaders to stop it.

What this means is that anything the game master decides to throw at you is game. It doesn’t matter how silly or offbeat the idea is, with no particular attention paid to or to be paid to continuity, story logic, or any of the literary devices that are usually evoked for giving a game that sense of snooty Gravitas preferred by real game-writers.

All This, And Smut, Too!

And that is where your character comes in… as a member of that tiny group, you are a of lesbian vampire ninja cheerleader, tasked by Lilith to save humanity.  You are also expected to continue your college education. And you plan to, if you can find time in killing zombies, partying, and having wild lesbian sex with your fellow ninjas!

Systems? We need some Steenking Systems!

LNVCwCStWfZ uses a simple d6 resolution system vs. game-master set target numbers. Making your ninja is a simple point-buy system, dividing 20 points between attributes, applying bonuses and penalties , choosing Power and Skillz, getting geared up with your Toys, and you are done.

Your Lesbian Ninja Vampire cheerleader is now ready to

1)      kick Zombie Ass and

2)      Kiss the Asses and other fun body parts of every woman you come across!

Agents of SWING: Untouchable – RELEASED!

An adventure for Agents of SWING that takes the agents on a chase across Southern Europe and India after a mysterious death is brought to their attention by the Spanish government.

A familiar enemy and a new threat stand against them, each with their own ideology but are they truly allies and can SWING prevent the revolution going nuclear?



NEW: Purchase via GUMROAD

This adventure will soon be available via Paizo, IPR and e23 if you prefer to make your purchases there.

G&D Recap/Summary (What would my D&D look like?)

Ten articles and that’s complete.

For those who want a quick and easy set of links to the articles, this is that post.

There’s a few things I’d change and polish a bit if I had time. I think HP need to be a bit higher (Maybe +1 automatic per rank up?)  and magic would need a lot more work, but the basics are there. With a talented GM who is good at improvisation G&D would, actually, be kinda playable.

G&D: What would my D&D Look Like? (Part Ten)

Here’s a quick little example of play and a couple of things I realise I missed, so consider this an ‘appendix’ to this set of articles.


I quite like a ‘per session’ method of doing experience, but for this I’m not sure that would work. Time spent playing would seem to work better. So…

You gain one experience point per hour of play but experience must be spent between sessions and/or when your character has some ‘downtime’. Customisations are gained immediately.

Increasing a stat costs a number of points equal to: (Stat x2)+1. Swap negative numbers into positive numbers for working out the cost. It’s hard to overcome a weak start or to refine an already advanced statistic.

Skills cost equal to the current level, or 1.

Customisations are the equivalent of levels, you gain a customisation at 2 hours of play, then another 4 hours of play, then another 6 – and so on.

Sample Monster – Goblins

Weak, simple creatures that often end up dominated by stronger, nastier creatures, goblins breed like maggots in the bowels of the Earth.

Str -2
Dex +0
Con -2
Cha -2
Int -1
Wis +0
Com -3

Will +1 (+1)
Dodge +2 (+2)
Toughness +1 (-1)

One-Handed +2 (+3)
Block +2 (+2)
Stealth +1 (+1)

Combat Defence: 12
Mental Defence: 10
Physical Defence: 8

Hit Points: 3/6
Mana: 9

Customisation: Sneaky Bastards +1

Equipment: Shortsword +1 – Max Damage 10, leather armour +2.

Sample of Play

The ‘adventurers’ (let’s be generous and not call them looters) are searching The Great Dark Forest for the fabled ruins of Skor. The forest is notoriously overrun with goblins, not that they’ve found any yet. Nor have they found the ruins and they’re running out of food. Little do they realise – yet – that they’re on the patrol route of a small goblin unit.

Running low on rations they’ve sent Faliel the elven sorcerer out to trap small game on the grounds that ‘You’re an elf, you know about woods, n’ shit.’

GM: Game’s pretty scarce in the woods, between the goblins, predators and the lack of undergrowth beneath the thick leaf cover. You’re going to need to roll fifteen or better to catch anything.

Faliel: I don’t have survival or anything, but as an elf I get ‘Forest Hunter’ as a Customisation, so that gives me +1. I rolled 13, so that’s 14, not enough.

GM: It’s close. You’re in hot pursuit of a rabbit, charging through piles of dried leaves, when you make a dive to try and catch it in your hands it springs away, leaving you face down in the dirt. Could you make an Alertness roll for me please?

Faliel: *Tosses the dice* Uh… that’s a total of 18, assuming my Forest Hunter still counts.

GM: Cool. *Tosses a dice to see how sneaky the the goblins have been and only gets 11 total* OK. As you pick yourself up you notice that what you took to be an animal trail is not. Those footprints look humanoid. They also look fresh.

Faliel: Shit the bed. Goblins I bet. I’ll run back to camp as fast as I can to tell the others. Brigid! Derwen! Goblins!

Brigid: Shut the hell up you prancing gaylord, if there are goblins they’ll hear you!

Derwen: The hatchet-faced dwarf has a point Faliel. Come on, let’s go have a look. I know a little bit about tracking.

GM: OK, so what are you doing?

Brigid: Pack up our gear, stifle the fire, strap on our armour and have Faliel lead us back to the tracks. Yeah?

Derwen: Sounds good, let’s take it slow and careful though.

GM: OK, you break camp and slink through the forest, following Faliel’s directions until you arrive back at the spot he saw the tracks.

Derwen: I’ll check them out, you two stand guard.

GM: You don’t have Survival, but I’ll let you make an Alertness roll to see what you can find out. OK?

Derwen: Right *Rolls dice* 21 total.

GM: *Given that the goblins only rolled 11 the GM decides to spill the beans* You reckon it’s a regular patrol of five goblins, one seems a little bigger and heavier than the others. They come through here regularly and it can’t be too long before they come back.

Derwen: OK, I’ll repeat that to the others. Plus… I figure these goblins must have food of some kind. If we take them out we’ll be less likely to be interrupted in our explorations and we can keep them up for longer. If we set an ambush it shouldn’t be too hard. They’re just goblins.

Brigid: Sounds good to me, my axe thirsts for goblin blood!

Faliel: I’m… not a fan, but if you two protect me I suppose it could be OK.

Derwen: OK, so the plan is that we all hide around this path area, under the leaves or whatever. Me an Faliel catch them in a crossfire with magic and my crossbow. I’ll go for the leader. Brigid can charge whatever lives and keep them busy and off us.

GM: Alright, I’ll need you all to make a Stealth roll to see how effective an ambush you pull off. You’ll get to go first if you pull it off and you’ll get a combat pool depending how well you do.

Brigid: 12

Faliel: Ugh… 5.

Derwen: 8… man we suck at hiding.

GM: Well, they only get… shit, 1. So you have a massive advantage over this band of bored, chattering and squabbling goblins, so deep into telling a dirty joke about a milkmaid and a bull that they don’t see you, despite your shitty rolls. So that makes your combat pool… 22.

Derwen: Right, I ease up out of the leaves and let fly with my crossbow, aiming for the biggest one of the lot. I get… 22.

GM: Jesus fucking Christ… OK, that’s ten more than his defence so that’s ten points of damage. The goblin leader is just getting to the punchline when your barbed bolt takes him through the throat an he pitches over, gurgling and spewing blood. The other goblins start in shock.

Faliel: Shitbiscuits, how many more are there?

GM: Four.

Faliel: I’ll unleash a blast of pure magic into the midst of them. So that’s 50 ft range, 10 ft radius should be enough to hit them all. That’s… -11. Going to need some of that combat pool I expect. I roll… 14, -11 is 3. That’s going to do nothing unless I spend some points, but I’ll keep some back in case there are any reinforcements. So… I’ll take 12 out of the pool, that gives me 15. Hopefully that’s enough to at least weaken them.

GM: It’s enough to bloody all of them. You make your arcane gesture and hurl the bolt of magic into their midst. It explodes and tosses them in all directions, scorched and smoking.

Brigid: My turn. These goblins are AXING FOR IT! I charge out of the woods and cleave the head off one of the survivors as he gets up.

GM: That’s a -5 penalty and it won’t actually cut it off unless you roll high enough.

Brigid: OK, with the penalties I get 8. If they’re bloodied their defence is only 7, right, so I’ll spend another two points from the tactical pool to take that over the top to 3. Is that enough to kill him?

GM: Sure is. You lop off the goblins head and send it sailing into the leaves nearby. There’s three left, bloodied and bowed.

Brigid: Aren’t they shitting themselves? This was some serious shock and awe and I just cut a head off.

GM: Good point, tell you what, make an intimidation roll.

Brigid: Eh, only three total… I suck at this stuff.

GM: Well then, they’re not cowed, rather they hiss and vow revenge, drawing their rusty little shortswords.

The game continues…

Blood Tales: Windycon – RELEASED!

An adventure for the modern horror game Blood! Windycon sets a band of plucky gamers against a strange and glutinous horror at an isolated convention site.

A comedy/splatterpunk adventure for the strong – and the large – stomached.


We have a new adventure out for Blood!: The RPG of Modern Horror. A comedy splatterpunk adventure called Windycon which you can buy on PDF HERE

While you’re at it you may want to check out some of our other recent releases:

We always have new Clip Art coming out, check back regularly for updates and bundles.

We have a cheap and cheerful boardgame called ‘Lady Bexingtons Home for Wayward Zombies’

The Alienist Career Path for Traveller just came out.

Urban Faerie Pocket Edition updates and puts a shine on Urban Faerie, just as with Invaderz.

Gosh Spies! provides rules for teen and tween adventures in Agents of SWING, the FATE-Powered Spy-Fi adventure game of the 60s and 70s.

G&D: What would my D&D look like? (Part Nine)

I guess you want an example of play after all, so, I guess your wish is my command. Here’s the example characters I’ll be using to do a play example:

Brigid Kunthamma

Strength: +1
Dexterity: -1
Constitution: +4
Charisma: -3
Intelligence: -1
Wisdom: -2
Comeliness: -2

Willpower +1 (-1)
Dodge +1 (+0)
Toughness +1 (+5)

One-Handed Weapons +1 (+0)
Block +1 (+2 – shield)
Alertness +1 (-1)
Athletics +1 (+2)

Stonecunning +1
Axemistress +1

Combat Defence: 15 (Chainmail has protection 5 but is heavy, negating its bonus to dodge. It’s a trade off. A heavy shield does the same – protection 2 – but also gives a +2 to Block).
Mental Defence: 9
Physical Defence: 15

Hit Points: 8/15
Mana: 7

Battleaxe: Max damage 24

Faliel Redleaf

Strength: -2
Dexterity: +0
Constitution: -5
Charisma: -3
Intelligence: +2
Wisdom: +1
Comeliness: +0

Willpower +1 (+2)
Dodge +1 (+1)
Toughness +1 (-4)

One-Handed Weapons +1 (+1)
Alertness +1 (+2)
Lore +1 (+3)

Abjuration +2 (+4)
Evocation +5 (+7)

Forest Hunter +1
Magic User (Access to magic)

Combat Defence: 11
Mental Defence: 12
Physical Defence: 6

Hit Points: 2/3
Mana: 13

Dagger +1, Max Damage 8.

Derwen Five-Fingers

Strength: -3
Dexterity: +4
Constitution: +0
Charisma: +3
Intelligence: +0
Wisdom: +1
Comeliness: +1

Willpower +1 (+2)
Dodge +2 (+6)
Toughness +1 (+1)

One-Handed Weapons +1 (+5)
Ranged Weapons +2 (+6)
Block +1 (+5)
Alertness +1 (+2)
Stealth +1 (+5)
Athletics +1 (-2)

Shadow +1
True Shot +1

Combat Defence: 18 (Armour 2)
Mental Defence: 12
Physical Defence: 11

Hit Points: 4/7
Mana: 11

Short sword +1, Max damage 12
Heavy Crossbow +1, Max damage 16

G&D: What would my D&D look like? (Part Eight)

If you can’t be arsed with the video, it’s the battle of Balin’s Tomb from The Lord of the Rings. The great thing about that battle, that makes it the model of how – I think – we want group combats to go in games.

Everyone there, is involved in some way, from the smallest hobbit distracting and running away, to the great Gandalf. None of them truly dominates the combat, everyone gets to do something cool and it’s even true that one of the pivotal moments is Frodo getting struck.

Something I introduced into my 4e games, and something I’ve been pondering on for my own projects, is the idea of a ‘combat pool’. This abstracts strategic manoeuvres, debilitating effects an so on to create a free-flowing way of measuring – and using – tactical advantage.

What this means in practice is that any creative player who can’t otherwise contribute to a battle, can still shout ‘Oi, wanker!’ at the orcs, draw their attention and give someone else an advantage.

Even with a one-on-one battle it means you can exploit a foe’s weakness for several turns, built up a tactical advantage and then STRIKE to overcome defences that you  might not otherwise be able to. In this way it can mimic the great movie and CG battles we know and love, especially boss battles.

So, the way it would work would be a tactical manoeuvre (an appropriate skill roll) made against the enemy and the difference going into the pool. Of course, bad guys can get tactical pool as well and you can also pre-set certain encounter conditions that might change the sway of battle.

The most obvious example is probably the ambush, where sneaking competes again perception to determine which side has advantage and how much of an advantage.

Tactical pool can be spent to increase damage, to hit, dodge etc, using up the advantage to give your side the edge.

Would you like me to write up a play example using the rules as I have outlined them? Otherwise this is the end of this article series:

Ian’s Updates

Calling for Artists

Whore’s Blade
Ophelia Rex Mini Preview
Ms Zen Mini Preview

From the Mind of UJames1978 on iBookstore
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Fundraising, Shout Outs and Activism
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Gentleman Gamer Response (Improvisation versus Planning)
On a Superb Video on Bronies

Fatal Error Network

Horror Show RPG
Penguin: Pain and Prejudice #3
Penguin: Pain and Prejudice #4
Penguin: Pain and Prejudice #5

Art Jobs Now Closed

I’ve assigned out the art jobs I had going, but the response was tremendous and I found a whole bunch of good artists through this. Thanks to everyone who applied and who passed on the message.

Of particular note were the following and if I can’t give them the work, at least I can give them a boost and maybe you can give them work:

Chaz Kemp: Awesome Nouveau style, and I pet they could be provoked into Deco with a pointy stick.

Janto: Sparse, effective, stark B&W illustrations suited to any horror game.

Craig Brasco: I get a very French, BD, vibe from this work and would definitely use them for SF or urban fantasy.

Sean Forney: Deliciously superheroic.

Wayne O Connor: I love this stuff. Some of it has a Tim Buron feel, some of it reminds me of Alan Davis’ run on Captain Britain or DR & Quinch. Fucking awesome.

Cognoggin: Makes me think of Spacemaster for some reason. This is not a bad thing. Definitely worth a look, great pencils.

Practically everyone who applied was great in one way or another, but I just wanted to point these out as the stand-outs.

THULU! on Mouthfist

The brand shiny new and entertainingly rambly podcast Mouthfist talks about THULU! quite a bit in THIS podcast.