Top 5: Gaming Weapons

1) .666 Hellbringer
Nothing, NOTHING says ‘I have absolutely no penis’ than an enormous hand-cannon chambered to a humorous and humungous round size. You could just about use one without going full-borg if you had enough other boosts. One shot, one kill, whether you were aiming at a person or an AV-4. Delicious.

2) Orcish Double-Axe
An insight into orcish psychology. If one axe is good, two axes is better. Misunderstood noble savage my arse, if orcs know one thing it’s how to fuck shit up and if they can do it with something as ridiculous looking as two axes glued together at the hilt then there must be something to it.

3) Rockpipe
So Tales of Gargentihr is a bit of an obscure game but even with that considered a weapon that starts off as a mining tool, is made of stone, fires bullets of rock and is powered by alcohol is a) amazing and b) shows just how far players are willing to go to have a gun, even if it’s terribly inefficient and you’d be better off with magic or a crossbow. Crazy buggers, the lot of ’em.

4) Automatic Crossbow
The ones in games aren’t that cool, because they only let you do one shot at a time. It’s still better than a longbow and beats all that slow-reloading mularky from normal crossbows but really, really, all we wanted it to be was that chunka-chunka-chunka crossbow from Hawk the Slayer. Hard to get a pic of that, here’s the next best thing.

5) Chainsword
There could hardly be a more impractical weapon than a chainsword which, essentially, ruins the whole point of having something as simple and unbreakable as a sword and would pull itself out of your hand as often as it hurt anyone, needing a sustained hit to do any real damage. Damn it though, there’s just something cool about chain weapons, sword, axe or anything else.

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