Urban Faerie: A Strange Piece of Ass

Source ‘elvenporn.com’ – No, seriously.

The courts of the fae have split into the Seedy and Unseedy factions. The Seedy faction follows Oberon in trying to adapt to and understand and integrate with filthy human society while the Unseedy faction tries to hide and eke out a living alongside the humans but out of their sight, keeping many of the old ways and the places.

Oberon and the Seedy faction has been very successful in integrating with humans and Oberon’s favoured make a decent living in the mortal world by modelling for naughty fantasy art and appearing in fantasy films as extras. There’s a line, however fuzzy, between integration and exposure and Oberon tries to keep an eye on this despite the distractions of his lovers. What’s even more important to him is that those who follow his example find their work and their magic through him, so he can take his cut.

The internet is a great tool for faeries and filthy humans alike, but Oberon worries that it’s undermining him and threatens to expose them too soon, too quick. Mostly, however, he’s worried that he’s not getting his cut.

The Royal Mission With Which you are Charged
Oberon issues a summons to the faeries to meet him at his court. His current court is established in a large house in the San Fernando valley area of Los Angeles with a big private garden and an enormous, phallically shaped swimming pool. It’s a party every day with all the excesses of the Playboy Mansion with none of the ‘taste’. Oberon has all the aesthetic sense of a colourblind magpie on magic mushrooms and revels in the kitsch. The pool is full of naiads and other water sprites and satyrs and other sexy faeries frolic shamelessly throughout the gardens.

Oberon’s throne room is a big room with mirrored floors and ceiling. He reclines upon a gaudy red and gold throne surrounded by his sycophants and the walls are decorated with Vallejo-imitation fantasy art that makes the friezes in Saddam’s palaces look like fucking Michelangelo.

Oberon will explain the situation, which is roughly as follows:

  • Faeries are going into the saucy art business for themselves outside his wise oversight.
  • This is bad.
  • This is bad because he’s not getting his tithe.
  • This is also bad because without his wise guidance they risk exposure.
  • He is particularly worried because some of them have been making contacts and earning money through 4chan and similar sites, fulfilling the peculiar fetishes of the people that frequent them.
  • Given the nature of the net and of the pseudo-hackers that inhabit many of these places on the net, Oberon is worried – perhaps rightly – that someone’s going to get exposed even more than they intended and that someone will realise it’s not just a normal human in a rubber suit.

In order to fix this problem Oberon promises to shower them with gold (no, not in that way you filthy bastard) and to owe them a really big favour if they will only:

  • Find out who has been exposing themselves and teach them the error of their ways.
  • Destroy as much of the data as possible.
  • Track down their human contacts and put the fear of the fae into them.

Busting the Ring
The faeries involved aren’t exactly being careful and should be easy enough to find. Make up two or three of them and give them different situations, just to keep things interesting. Perhaps a Satyr lurking on chatroulette from his apartment, a sex-shop sprite and a genuine internet troll squatting in a motel with wifi access.

They’ll all protest that Oberon is being unfair to them, they may try to run, they may try to convince or persuade the other faeries of their way and I suppose that might work, but they’ll bow down to enough pressure in the end. Of course, that doesn’t solve the other problem either way that things shake down. The human part of the equation still needs to be dealt with.

Recovering the Data
Whichever way you look at it the risk of being properly unmasked by humans, particularly filthy perverts with precious hacking skills, is an issue. Either they need to have their data deleted and their computers destroyed long enough for the problem to disappear, or they need to be intimidated, killed or otherwise dealt with in whatever twisted way your gang of little faerie bastards wants to.

Playing to fat and lonely hacker/anime nerd stereotypes is good for a giggle here, but throwing in something a little different like a sexy cosplayer just to confound expectations would also be good.

Mission Accomplished
Oberon’ll be happy enough provided the humans are dealt with and doesn’t much care how. If he doesn’t find out – again – about faeries playing on the side that’s not as big a concern, even though he hates it and will feel betrayed.

New Item: Bag O’ Gremlins
This battered and frayed laptop bag writhes and twists when you’re not looking and makes distracting noises that make you think you’re getting a tweet, facebook update or a text message. With the expenditure of a charm and a loud shout of ‘FOR THE LULZ!’ it unzips and unleashes a raging horde of tiny gremlins who make a b-line for any power sockets or data ports and infiltrate all the computers and mechanical devices within a building. If unleashed on the internet they can take down a whole site and all its subdomains for 24 hours. Which is a great way of channelling people into checking the status blog for the site or causing a big fuss.

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