Following up on the @ctiv8 item, here’s a full blown conspiracy theory sheet in the style of 100 Conspiracy Theories
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Conspiracy 101! The Royal Wedding
By Ian Warner
Preface
Following Grim’s example with his @ctiv8 stuff below I’ve decided to do a Royal Wedding themed article for the blog. Having just read the excellent 100 Conspiracies it seemed only fair to write the 101st about this allegedly historic occasion (err since when has any Royal Wedding gone down in history as important?) So let us begin with the obligatory disclaimer.
Disclaimer
This isn’t an actual claim. There is no real Royal Wedding Conspiracy. There may well be a cynical element in the timing of the event and I have a hard enough time believing love exists at all let alone it spontaneously springing up between an inbred idiot and a girl who’s just common enough without being too common but hey they seem happier than his parents and the idea there is an actual organised conspiracy about the whole thing is ludicrous fantasy. The Royals, Security Services and the British Government can’t find their arses with both hands how are they supposed to arrange the “love affair of the century” and make it look even a tiny bit convincing? Anyway it’s good RPG fodder and that’s where Conspiracy 101 comes in!
Description
Awfully convenient isn’t it? We have a Royal Wedding, where the bride is, supposedly, a commoner to distract the proles just as the Government is making savage cuts all round and desperately trying to hide the fact there is a referendum that could potentially make things fairer for all. Add to this the whole furore about whether stopping 10 nutters with banners shouting stupid slogans about world domination and the evil of democracy is an infringement of free speech or necessary to spare the “happy couple” any distress and you have a real stinking mess.
So what if the whole thing is a sham? Whether to distract from Government fuck ups, put a halt on reform or spark a religion based civil war it seems a bit farfetched doesn’t it?
But maybe that is all part of the plan?
How is it Done?
Subtlety is the name of the sham relationship game. If it’s too perfect it won’t be at all believable (hence the brief “split.”)
Perhaps only one or neither of the pair is aware of the Conspiracy. However more than likely bullying and or bribery is involved on the party that is.
The Royal Family are more likely to be in on the secret than the Middletons. After all they’re old hands at this game. Aristocrats NEVER make love matches if they can help it! It is possible that the Royals are being duped by the Middletons and whoever is backing them but it is very unlikely as the Royals have thousands of years of experience in pulling this kind of scam.
Either way the “legend” has been carefully stage managed from the day the Prince first spotted the young madam in that transparent dress. If the couple are oblivious to this they may be wondering why Malcolm Tucker and friends seem to be fussing over them so much!
Cui Bono?
The obvious beneficiary is the British Government for hiding it’s destruction of the welfare state and the fact we now have a chance to make it less likely that we don’t end up with idiots by default. (Well we’ll still end up with idiots but of a better kind hopefully!)
The Royal Family will benefit from a Commoner in the ranks: Officially for a change rather than as a mistress. Perhaps this will be the fairy story that keeps the anachronism around for hundreds more years? (Oh fuck I hope not!)
The Security Services, the Far Right (religious or otherwise) and Extremist Islam would all love the opportunity to blow an even bigger gaping wound between the already fractious communities. The Security Services are only trying to make the nutters a bit more obvious so they can get the power to nab them more easily. The latter two are out to start a religion based civil war.
Conspirators
1001 Club, Anglo American Alliance, Assassins, Committee of 300, Entertainment Companies, Global Elite, Golden Dawn, Hellfire Club, IMF, Industrialists, International Banks, Invisible Space Lizards, MI5/6, Mossad, Muslims, Neo Fascists, Phoebus Cartel, Pilgrim’s Society, Republican Inner Circle, Rothschilds, Royalty, Rupert Murdoch, Shadow Government, Templars, Great Commission, Illuminati, Masons, Time Travellers, UN, US, Whitey, Zionists.
Story Seeds
1) Paparazzi of the basest kind assigned by the Daily Slag to get the “most important shot of the big day” (up the dress!) The Characters snap something they shouldn’t. Something that may potentially expose the conspiracy. At first it’s just a foul mouthed Scot yelling at them but soon they find themselves on the run from S019 and a bunch of armed suits. Of course with typical British incompetence nobody told the couple about this little security breach so maybe the carriage will have a few uninvited passengers!
2) As the Royal Protection Unit’s best operatives the Characters haven’t had a wink of sleep for the past 3 days and the tedium and exhaustion is getting to them. They keep seeing and hearing things that don’t make sense, arguments with mysterious suited men about money, the couple shooting each other subtle vengeful looks and Prince Philip clutching a shotgun. Okay the latter isn’t too weird but pointed at his grandson’s back? Are these hallucinations or is the whole thing a conspiracy?
3) As Far Right or Jihadi operatives the Characters are preparing for a day of chaos and violence when they find their leadership has been working with their sworn ideological enemies to engineer the whole occasion to provide a stage for the coming bloodbath. Do they play along with this ruse or take revenge for this betrayal?
Postmortem Studios 