Greetings Jerkian warrior elite! Know this, that your very existence is down to the orders of our Portly Potentate and that without him, you would not exist. Your very conception, in the clone tanks of Clonius, is ordained by his Obese Omnipotence and from very that moment you owe him your life, your servitude and your loyalty.
To be a soldier in the glorious army of the Jerkian Empire is perhaps the best fate that can befall lowly matter in this universe. The Jerkian Empire is all-conquering, all powerful, has the best uniforms, the most advanced weaponry and the greatest leader the galaxy has ever known. Nothing can stand in our way and you, even as lowly as you are, can die knowing you are serving a far greater cause and a far superior people to any other in the universe!