Chav: A New Straight Cold One – Jorb-Sheekar

Chavthulu’s dominance is under threat. As foretold in the PneuLabourtic Manuscript the Stars have changed and where Chavthulu loses power the other Straight Cold Ones gain it. Of late in accordance with the prophecy, the changes in the universe have grown to favour Jorb-Sheekar, He Who Eats Hope.

When the blue is ascendant in the house of the clock and the red is consigned to the shadows. Then the Man With the Plastic Face will bond with the Prince in Yellow and the time of Jorb-Sheekar will come again.

Jorb-Sheekar’s strength rises and he attacks Chavthulu through his proxies. While Chavs hate to work and avoid it at all costs the servants of Jorb-Sheekar are those who are jobless through no fault of their own. Cast aside by the changes in the stars, losing the life they sought and wished for, entangled in bureaucracy the servants of Jorb-Sheekar lose their souls, their ambitions, their very identity.

The Jorbless, as they are known, share powers with Chavs – save Voodoo – and also become part of a brainless hive anti-mind, desolate, downtrodden and controlled by Jorb-Sheekar. They lose hours to his service and all they remember is daytime television.

The Jorbless gain bile from hanging around at Job Centres, especially if there’s a queue. The queue is also how they form themselves into the most dreaded of Jorb-Sheekar’s servants.

The Dole.

Doles are giant worm-like queues of people that share one body, one mind, one soul. They have the highest individual stats from the people forming The Dole and additional health columns. One for every extra person hooked into The Dole.

Chav: The Knifing – The Straight Cold One’s

Chavthulu is the ancient god of bus stops and bus shelters, or at least the modern incarnation of some ancient, brutish god that is associated with waiting, boredom and teenagers with nothing to do. He is far from the only ancient being with a finger, toe, tentacle or other appendage in the chav pie. There’s a whole pantheon of other dark and strange beings out there…

Dirtyhotep: The patron dark god of red light districts, Dirtyhotep grants his… her.. it’s boon to sex workers, doormen and filthy bastards of all descriptions. Rather than bus-stops Dirtyhotep’s power is channelled through nudie bars, brothels, sex cinemas and secluded alleyways where people have knee tremblers. Dirthyhotep appears as a gigantic tentacle with feminine lips, dressed in tracksuit bottoms and a sports bra and covered in penises.

Adenough: Adenough is the patron dark god of binge drinking. His power is channelled through off licences and he encourages drunkenness and excess in all its forms. Adenough appears as a shifting, vomitous mass of acidic and fizzing spew.

Schlub-Niggerwrath: Schlub-Niggerwrath is the patron of racist nationa lism. His followers tend to be deformed, chinless, stupid and also tend to vastly overestimate their own capabilities and to underestimate those of anyone who isn’t of their own race. He appears as a pig-like being wearing a St George’s Cross T-shirt and channels his power through acts of appalling racism and terrible un-PC jokes, rather than locations.

Has the Monosyballic: Has is probably a dark god but doesn’t have the vocabulary to actually tell anyone who or what he is. He channels his power through schools, but only provided that nobody is learning anything. Has appears as a floating apostrophe covered in eyes.

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New Release: Viper in the Nest for Chav: The Knifing (Xpress)

 

An adventure for Chav: The Knifing which also draws on Wizkid, Bloodsucker and the as-yet-unpublished Dogboy. Viper in the Nest takes you into the supernatural gang culture of ‘Chavs’, self-appointed hunters, or at least beater-uppers, of the other supernatural denizens of the Shadow World.

Vipers in the Nest is a relatively straight interpretation of the Shadow World with lots of violence and taking the mick out of the way the games it is parodying tended to be played.

An Xpress adventure for 4+ players.

Buy it HERE

Chav: The Knifing – Fuckin’ Aliens an’ shit mang!


Image & concepts nobbled from ‘Attack the Block’.
Rent it.

If there’s one thing Chavs hate, it’s people who are different. That’s the real impetus behind their violent hatred of Bloodsuckers, Wizkids and anything and everything else in the Shadow World. If there’s one thing they’re hardwired to hate even more than the other magic(k)al denizens of the night it’s going to be extraterrestrials.

Sure, aliens exist, why not? The Shadow World has everything else in it doesn’t it? Of course, this being The Shadow World these aliens are dumb motherfuckers, just as dumb as people. Perhaps dumber. They just know how to get from one planet to another and maybe that’s not as difficult as people think, once you’ve got the knack.

The Martians from The War of the Worlds attacked the greatest city in the greatest Empire on Earth first, perhaps thinking that if they could beat them they could take out the rest. These aliens, perhaps, have the same idea and that’s why they’re landing, en masse, in the inner city at night. Unfortunately, they’re likely to run into the Chavs before they run into anything else and perhaps they’ll come off the worse for it…

These aliens are dark-furred, fast-moving and deadly, if not particularly bright. They hunt in packs like wolves but, being nocturnal have dim senses, save their sense of smell and touch which are quite acute. Weirdly, they like the taste of bile and are drawn to attack Chavs, especially once they start fighting back.

Strength 5
Resilience 4
Dexterity 4
Speed  5
Intelligence 1
Perception  2
Charm 1
Control  3
Resolve 3
Resistance 3

Athletics 4
Close Combat 4
Weird Alien Stuff 3
Stealth 4

Enhanced sense of smell +2
Enhanced sense of touch +2

Dense Body: Natural Armour – Reduce all incoming damage by 2
Frenzied Claws & Teeth: 9 damage.

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